英语笑话带翻译 简单的英语小笑话(带翻译）
1、周而复始
老王在树下休息，老李走过来对他说：“嗨，为什么不去上山砍柴？” 老王说：“砍柴干什么？” 老李说：“好卖钱啊。卖到钱就可以买驴，再沿家挨户卖柴。挣了钱就再 买卡车，然后买木厂卖木 器，再买更多的卡车，那样就可以发大财了。” 老王问：“发了财干什么？” 老李答：“发了财就可 以逍遥自在地享清福嘛。” 老王说：“那你以为我现在在干什么？”
1, round and round
Lao wang rested under the tree, Lao li came up and said, "hey, why not go up the hill cutting wood?" Pharaoh said: "cut wood stem what?" Lao li said: "good money! Sold into money can buy a donkey, then along home door-to-door selling wood. Zheng money will buy trucks, and then buy wood factory sells wooden ware, buy more trucks, so that you can be really rich." The old king: "fortune"? Lao li answer: "fortune can be to free and unfettered freely do well." Pharaoh said, "that you think I doing now?"
2、甲鱼风波
甲鱼又叫团鱼或鳖，俗称王八。味鲜美，价昂贵。“吃的不买，买的不吃”， 实乃高级礼品，公关丑 星。 某乡派数人携众鳖入城进贡。因其重量不同，又须按“职”分配，为免差错计，故将官 号写于纸上，贴于鳖背。 ……至机关干部住宅楼前，天已晚。不料竹篓倾覆，众甲鱼乘暮色争相逃命，乡人一片 惊呼：“赵局长”跑啦!——那个块头最大的。 快抓住“钱处长”——小心它咬手。 那墙角里黑乎乎的，莫非是“孙科长”?“李秘书”个头小，爬得快，怕是找不到了。
2, turtle storm
Turtle and call TuanYu or turtle, commonly known as the tortoise. Taste delicious, the price is expensive. "Eat not to buy, buy the do not eat", solid senior gifts, pr ugly stars. MouXiang sent several people join the turtle into town tribute. Because of its different weights, and must according to "responsibility" distribution, in order to avoid mistakes plan, therefore, JiangGuan written in paper, stick at turtle's back. ... To government cadres residential against the building, it is late. Behold, all the turtle piggy overthrown by the dusk scramble to flee for life, XiangRen a exclaimed, "zhao chief" run! The bigger the biggest. - Catch "money director" - be careful it bites the hand. The corner of the mariposa rushed, murphy is "Samson section chief"? "Secretary li"'s smaller, climb quickly, afraid that I can't find it.
3、迟了
在地铁里，一位男子发现扒手正在掏他的钱包，便幽默地说： “老兄，你来晚了！我今天虽然领 了薪水，但我太太下手比你快 多了！”
3, late
In the subway, a man found pickpocket is cutting his wallet, and humorously said: "man, you came to night! I today although took salary, but my wife lay more quickly than you!"
4、情书
小伙子在给女朋友的信中写到：“爱你爱得如此之深， 以至愿为你赴汤蹈火。星期六如不下雨，我一定来。
4, love letter
Guy in the letters to his girlfriend wrote: "love your love so much, that would like to give you go through hell. On Saturday as it does not rain, I'll come.
5、无理抱怨
两个人一起吃饭，只有两条鱼，一大一小。一位先把大 的吃了，另一位勃然大怒。”多不合适！”他抱怨说。”怎 么了？”另一位问。”你吃掉了那条大的，如果我是你就不 会这样做。””你会怎 样呢？””我当然是先吃小的。”” 那好哇，你抱怨什么，那条小鱼不是还在那里吗！”
5 and irrational complain
Two people eat together, only two fish, a great and a small. A first big eat, another flew into a rage. "Not more suitable!" He complains. "How yao?" Another asked. "You ate that big, if I were you, I would not do so." "How would you like?" "Of course I is first eat small." "That good, you complained, the fish is still there!"
6、为您保密
甲：”这件事我只告诉你一人，请你千万为我保密。" 乙：”放心，不但我要为你保密，我还要告诉大家都来为你保密。”
6, for your confidential
A: "this matter I just tell you one person, you must the secret for me." B: "trust, not only I want secret for you, I will tell everybody to be secret for you."
7、擦玻璃
父亲走进儿子的房间，夸奖道：干得好，儿子！窗户又干净又明亮，你是用肥皂水擦的吗？ 儿子：没有，爸爸，我用的是锤子。
7, wipe glass
Father entered the son's room, praise, way: well done, son! The window and clean and bright, you are using soap water wipe? Son: no, dad, I am using a sledgehammer.
8、开学
小学开学了，刚满6岁的冬冬不肯到学校上学。妈妈向冬冬解释，小朋友满6岁就要去上学，一直到15岁。最后冬冬终于在书桌前坐下来，满含热泪地问：等我15岁的时候，您会记得来接我吗？
8, opening
Elementary school begins, just over 6 years old of winter winter will not come to school. Mother to dongdong explanation, children with 6 years old shall go to school, until 15 years old. Last winter winter finally before desk sat down and full of tears to ask: when I was 15, you will remember pick me up?
仅供参考！！！！！
Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
好孩子
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”
“她是个卖糖果的。”
A Woman Who Fell
It was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City's Grand Central Terminal - As I neared the gate, a plump, middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind, lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back. Her momentum carried her close to my shoes. Before I could help her, however, she had scrambled up. Gaining her composure, she winked at me and said, "Do you always have beautiful women failing at your feet?"
摔倒的女人
上下班高峰期，我匆匆奔向纽约豪华中心站去赶一趟火车。接近门口，一位肥胖的中年妇女从后面冲过来，没想到在平滑的大理石地面上失了脚，仰面滑倒了。她的惯性使她接近了我的脚。我正准备扶她，她却自己爬了起来。她镇定了一下，对我挤了一下眉，说道：“总是有漂亮女人拜倒在你脚下吗？”
He is really somebody
-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.
-- He is really somebody. What does he do?
-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.
他真是一个大人物
-- 我叔叔下面有1000个人。
-- 他真是一个大人物。干什么的？
-- 墓地守墓人。
my little dog can't read
Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!
Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!
Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.
我的狗不识字
布朗夫人：哦，
亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了！
史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊！
布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。”
A little boy bustled into a grocery one day with a memorandum in his hand.
〃Hello,Mr. Smith,〃He said,〃I want thirteen pounds of coffee at 33 cents.〃
〃Very good,〃said the grocer, and he noted down the sale.
〃Anything else, Charlie？〃
〃Yes. Twenty－seven pounds of sugar at 9 cents.〃
〃The loaf？And whatelse？〃
〃Seven and a half pounds of bacon at 30 cents.〃
〃That will be a good brand. Goon.〃
〃Five pounds of tea at 90 cents；eleven and a half quarts of molasses at8cents a pint；two eight－pound hams at 31 cents, and five dozen jars of pickled walnuts at34cents ajar.〃
The grocer made out the bill.
〃It’s a big order,〃he said.〃Did your mother tell you to pay forit？〃
〃My mother,〃said the boy, as he pocketed the neat and accurate bill,〃has nothing to do with this business. It is my arithmetic lesson and I had to get it done somehow.〃
一天,一个小男孩匆匆忙忙地走进了一家杂货店,手里拿着一张清单。
“史密斯先生,你好,”他说道：“3毛3分钱一磅的咖啡,请给我13磅。”
“好的,”杂货店老板马上把这笔生意记了下来。
“还要别的什么,查理？”
“要的。再要27磅糖,9分钱一磅的。”
“面包要不要？还要什么？”“7磅半咸肉,3毛钱一磅的。”
“这肉是名牌的呢。还有呢？”
“9毛钱一磅的茶叶,给我5磅；8分钱一品脱的糖浆要11夸脱半；3毛1分钱一磅的8磅的大火腿要两只,3毛4分钱一罐的腌核桃要5打。”
杂货店老板把账单算了出来。“你买了很多东西,”他说：“你妈妈叫你现在把钱付清吗？”
小男孩一面把那清楚准确的账单放进口袋,一面说：“这和我妈没关系,这是我自己的算术作业,我总得想办法把它做出来！”
够了吗，我不容易了啊，最佳答案给我吧
4 Stan: I won 92 goldfish.
Fred: Where are you going to keep them?
Stan: In the bathroom 。
Fred: But what will you do when you want to take a bath?
Stan: Blindfold them!
斯丹：我赢了 92 条金鱼。
弗雷德：你想在哪儿养它们？
斯丹：浴室。
弗雷德：但是你想洗澡时怎么办？
斯丹：蒙住它们的眼睛！
A woman was singing. One of the guest criticized the singer to
the man beside him.
"What a terrible voice." He said. "Do you know who she is?"
"Yes." the man beside him answered. "She is my wife."
"Oh, I'm sorry." he said. "Of course her voice is not bad, but the song is too bad.
I wonder who wrote that awful song."
"I did." said the man.
巧合
台上一个女士正在放声高歌，台下的一个听众跟他旁边的一个男人抱怨说，
“这是什么嗓子啊？你知道她是谁吗？”
那个男人回答，“她是我老婆。”
“哦，抱歉，抱歉，我的意思是说她嗓子不差，就是曲子太难听了。
我真是想不到谁会写出这么难听的曲子呢？”
那个男人回答，“是我写的！”
英语冷笑话大全 带翻译
1、Q: What's the difference between an iceberg and a clothes brush?
冰山和衣刷之间有什么区别？
A: One crushes boats and the other brushes coats!
一个 撞 船 一个 刷 大衣！(单词的拼写造成的JOKE）
2、white man：are you Black?
black man：no,i'm White
He Won
Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.
Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?
Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.
他赢了
汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？
约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。
汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？
约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。
I Have His Ear in My Pocket
Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?"
"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.
"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.
"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."
他的耳朵在我衣兜里
伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？”
“一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。
“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。
“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”
A Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
好孩子
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”
“她是个卖糖果的。”
Drunk
One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."
"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"
醉酒
一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！”
Hospitality
The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.
好客
由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时，家里没有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿，他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。 客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪？” “在捕鼠夹上，先生。”那小男孩说。
1、Boy: Is this seat empty? Girl: Yes and this one will be if you sit down. 男孩：这个座位是空的么？ 女孩：是的，如果你坐下，我的座位也将是空的。
2、Boy: Can I buy you a drink? Girl: Actually I'd rather have the money. 男孩：我可以给你买杯饮料吗？ 女孩：你不如直接把钱给我得了。
3、My little dog can't read Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog! Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers! Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.
我的狗不识字。布朗夫人：哦， 亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了！ 史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊！ 布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。”
4、My Wife Will Exchange Them。A gentleman walks into a store and asked for a pair of gloves. ″Cloth or leather﹖″ asked the salesperson. ″Makes no difference ″replied customer. ″What color﹖″ asked the clerk. ″Any″ he responded.
″Size﹖″ ″Give me whatever you prefer″ the gentleman said slightly exasperated. ″My wife will be back tomorrow to exchange them.″
反正我太太明天会来换的。一位先生走进一家商店要买副手套。 “您是要布的还是皮的？”售货员问。 “没什么区别。”这位顾客回答。 “那您要什么颜色的呢？”售货员又问。“什么颜色都成。”他回答。 “号码呢？” “您就随便给我拿一副吧，”这位顾客有点不耐烦了，“反正我太太明天都会来换的。”
5、A physics Examination，Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates were thinking it hard. The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then hear the thunder rolls?
Nick‘s answer: Because our eyes are before ears.
一次物理考试。在一次物理考试时，当同学们都还在苦思冥想时，尼克很快就答好了第一个问题。这个问题是：为什么在打雷时，我们总是先看到闪电后听到雷声？尼克的回答是：因为眼睛在前，耳朵在后。
6、Jim’s History Examination。Uncle: How did Jim do in his history examination?Mother: Oh, not at all well, but there, it wasn't his fault. They asked him things that happened before the poor boy was born.
吉姆的历史考试。舅舅：吉姆这孩子历史考得怎么样？母亲：唉，糟透了。可话又说回来，这也不能怪他。嗨，他们尽问一些这个可怜的孩子出生前的事儿。
7、he is really somebody。-- My uncle has 1000 men under him. -- He is really somebody. What does he do?-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.
他真是一个大人物。-- 我叔叔下面有1000个人。-- 他真是一个大人物。干什么的？-- 墓地守墓人。
扩展资料：
笑话具有篇幅短小，故事情节简单而巧妙，往往出人意料，给人突然之间笑神来了的奇妙感觉的特点。大多揭示生活中乖谬的现象，具有讽刺性和娱乐性。其趣味有高下之分。
人类历史上，人自从有了语言，就已经出现了开玩笑的语言，最早，人们以口相传，后来有了文字，许多笑话便被记载下来，编书成册。但还有很多笑话，是流传于民间的，就当今社会，每天都有很多笑话出现，有心人如果收集，我想将来一定会有价值。
同时丰富了笑话的宝库。随着近十年网络和手机的飞速发展，随之出现了网络笑话，网络流行语，给力大全，手机笑话，雷人语句，笑料联盟等，促使笑话发展到一个新的阶段。
参考资料：百度百科：笑话
相关参考：
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英语单词的笑话,带中文翻译的,如:bus= 爸死,就是英语单词的读音跟中文的...
police=跑累死 chairman=柴门 boss=饱死 judge=榨汁 lawyer=姥爷 thank you=三克油 shade=谁的 square=四拐哦 yes=爷死 Miss=妹死 See you tommorow=谁在偷吃猫肉 watermelon=我的美人 nurse=螺丝 girl=割耳 good morning=鼓捣猫呢
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18497541517： The bus is very crowded.A man tries to get on,but no one gives way to him.＂Hey,let me get on the bus.＂the man shouts.＂It's too crowded.You'd better take the next bus.＂a passenger says to him.＂But you can't go withou me.I'm the driver.＂the ...
18497541517：[答案] He Won Tommy:How is your little brother,Johnny?Johnny:He is ill in bed.He hurt himself.Tommy:That's too bad.How did that happen?Johnny:We played who could lean furthest out of the window,and he won.他...
