适合初中二年级演的搞笑英语剧本 中学生搞笑英语小品剧本
搞笑5人剧本《西门吹雪与叶孤城》
演员表：
西门吹雪
叶孤城
花满楼
king
旁白
道具：牛奶两袋，匕首一把，戒子一枚，纸屑若干。
第一幕：决战紫荆城之颠
旁白：A quiet village is covered with white snow .
Bird sare dancing in the cold .
Aman is walking along the street ,step by step .
Wind is coming in silence.
Another mysterious man approaches .
Y与X相遇．
X：oH ,I am sorry to knock you !
Y:Haha, Never mind bay bay.
X:Excuseme， who are you on earth? could you tell me your name?
Y:ha ha ,I won’t change my name no matter what happens. I’m the most famous——-YeGucheng. Who are you?
X:I am xi men chui xue.
Y惊讶:Ar, xi men chui xue?
X:Yes,what is wrong?
Y:I heard that you are the besting Martial Arts?
X:Great, you know me !
Y抱腿：Please, please…… Don’t kill me! let me go!
X:No, I must kill you !
Y:I don't want to be killed.There are eighty-year-old mother and a three-year old son to belooked after by me!
X:No way! Because we are fighting now!you know?
Y突然站起冷冷的说：Don't force me!
X:Pardon!
(Y拿出一袋牛奶)
X抢过牛奶:milk, very good! I like drinking it. how do you know that?
Y:please drink it!
X喝完牛奶:Thanks, ha,ha
Y:Do you still want to kill me?
X:Sure, must! milk is milk.
Y(恼怒+冷酷):Very good! very good! I hope you will not forget what you said!?
X:I’m sure I won’t!
Y:I must give you a lesson! If I don't beat you this time, you’ll never behave properly! 3-2-1-0!
X捂着肚子，蹲下：Oach,Oach !
Y大笑：HaHa……
X可怜状: help! help! Where is the washroom?
Y:What ?
X:Toliet?
Y:What ?
X:The “WC”?
Y:Oh,I see ,go along this street andturn right when you see acorssing road!
X:Thanks,byebye.
Y掏出纸屑吹:This is genuirne snow!
H:Stop!Protecting the environment is abasicobligation!
Y:Who are you?
H:Hua—man—-lou! Have you seen xi men chui xue?
Y:Yes, he was beaten by me and is in“WC” now,ha……
H惊讶:Now you are the best in the world!
Y:You are right!
H:Teriffic! yo uare the one my king looking for! do you want join in us?
Y:Yes,It’s very good.
H:Ok, follow me, Let’s go to see my king!
Y:Ok,Let’s go!
第二幕：无间道
H:My honest ! let me introduce yegucheng to you! （指Y） this is yegucheng.
K:sit down plese, yegucheng.
H走到Y前，《婚礼进行曲》起，H神甫状:Yegucheng! Do you want to follow my king no matter what happens such as cold,headache,sair and aids?
Y: Yes,I do.
K: Hua man lou, come . put the ring on his finger!（音乐停）
X唱着上:Only you……(看到戒子) this ring should be mine!
K:But who are you? why should it belong to you?
Y急切: king! dear king!I must go now,my brother is looking for me!huoxi(维语再见)
K:huoxi? What does that mean? It is not English, isn’t it ?
Y:How clever……
X冷酷:yegucheng! come here!I want to tell you some thing!
Y抱X的腿:old brother ! Forgive me!
X:Forgive me? Why?
Y: Once there was a change before me,I lost it. Ifthe god give me a chance, I’ll tell you“I love you”,If there must be a limited period,I hope it is thousand year!
X:You shall cheat me!all you did are wrong!how can youtell thelady’s“WC”!
Y:Ilikegoinglady’s WC .I……I……IthinkthatyoulikewhatIlike.(Y又拿出一袋牛奶)
X: m-i-l-k?haha, ayixidailu!(我爱你的意思)
K: ayixidailu?What’sthemeaning? whyIalsocan’tunderstandyou?
X:Youarestupid! Itmeans“I love you”.
K:Don’t saythat“you love me”. I’llkillyouforyousayingdirtywordtome!
X:What? (侧耳装着听不到) You—kill—-me?come, come…(X上去抓住K)
K:Fuckyou. Imustkillyou!
X:Howcanyoukillme? haha……
Y:Letmehaveatry! 3-2-1-0(X捂着肚子，蹲下)
K: thankyouverymuch, yousaveme. Now, I’llgiveyoutheticketforAmericantoletyou
haveavacation.
Y:That’s good. butthereisonemorething. canyougivemea MM ?IwanttogoAmericanwithher.
K:ofcouse.Youaretheonewhohasthesimilartastewithme! Hahaha……
Y:Hahaha—–
H:Where’ssomewhere?
K:What?
Y:Doyouwanttogolady’s“WC”?
X:Yes,I……I…… do.
H顶着摇头：X,no, no， youcan’tgotoLady’s “WC”. Thatisnottheplacewhereyoucangointo ! becauseyouareX ! youarethe bestmanofChinesekongfu!
X: whatifI’mthebestintheword? !whyItrymybesttolivebutI’mstillsomiserable ? whencanIgetmyfreedom? mustbethedeadday ? !
K: youareright. onewillnotbecleveruntilthedayhedie. Inthatcase ,whywill you die in such a bad sorrow way !gointo theLady’s WC , thendie , comfortablly ! goahead !
H: you , stupid , bad behavior ! goaway !
K; why ? whydoyouhelphim ! whoacturallyareyou ?
H: myreal name isLuXiaofeng——the wifeofX .I’maspy.
K惊讶: !you—you—YouareLuXiaofeng ? X’wife ?
Y: Ihavealreadyrecognizedyou . atricker ! doyouknow, youarethefirst person who cheated me ! because of you ,Ideeide never believe anyone else ,including myself .you have destroyed my looking for you for many years ,just for today ! (轻声说)Xwilldie ,goandseehim ,please .
H扑倒在X的身边：X,do’t die ,you should be alive ,there are much hope inthe fature and tomorrow is a goodbeginning !
K:what amoving story !I was impressed !
Y:life is a progress ,but it is depressed that it can not resume !
H: life isa progress ,and it is delight that itneedn’t resume !
(H忽然将一把匕首插进Y的心脏，K吓跑.音乐《再见，警察》起)
Y痛苦状:don’tleave me here , you know I love you and I have nothing except you now ,please notabandon me !realizethat I’m wrong .help me,I intend to be back ,helpme ,I keyyou ,beg you——help me . I’ll never dothat again !(Y死，音乐停)
（X咳，H扑到身边，电影《我的父亲母亲》原声音乐起）
H: X , oh , no ,you can’t die ,we will go home together .
X:gohome ! ?
H:Tomorrow is another day !evenyou have thelast secondto live,youshould be alive ,not only for me , but for ourlove !
X:doyouwant melivealifeinsuchasorrow way ? ok , ok , Ipromise I willbealive for you .but !youknow, Ihavenot timeleft ,but you have ,promisethatyou will be happy everyday !Youmustdome this honor… promise meyou will survive… that youwillnevergiveup… nomatter what happens… no matter howhopeless… promise me now ,andnever let go of that promise.
H: I promise .
X:Never let go .
H:Ipromise . Iwill never let go ,
X.I””””ll never letgo.(X死)
H:be alive !yeah , bealive ! bealivewithout ahendance !lifecanbechanceliketimecangotoback . thereisbeatifulsnowbutinsping , solifecancomefromthebeginning ! （H自刎，艰难的爬到X身边死.音乐停。）
《孔雀东南飞》（英文搞笑话剧）
本文来自: 恒星英语学习网(www.Hxen.com) 详细出处参考：http://www.hxen.com/yingyujuben/2007-03-30/4960.htmlWanderseveryfivemiles
焦仲卿Johnny(Jforshort)刘兰芝Lunch(Lforshort)
焦母Johnny’smother(JMforshort)刘母Lunch’smother(LMforshort)
太守之子Mayor’sson(MSforshort)强盗Burglars(ABandC)
Prologue
(J作被打状跑上台,内砸出一卷纸筒,J被打中,狼狈不堪)
J:EverybodysaysthatI’mhenpecked,butinfact,I’masstrongasatiger,(小声)whilemy
wifeisWuSong.
(指着上台处的门大声道)I’mnotafraidofyou!
(内砸出一脸盆,J接住当成盾牌护着头)Then,I’mafraidofwhom?
MywifeLunchisthemostfamouswomanintheneighbor-hood.Sheisbraverthanme,
smarterthanmeandstrongerthanme.AllthisIdonotcare.Ionlywanthertobetender
thanme.Butsheisnot!Havingawifelikethisisjustlikelivinginthehell!
(内又砸出一卷纸筒,击中J)
MyGod!Whocanhelpme?(下)
Act1
(序幕结束时,JM作窃听状)
JM(拄拐棍上):Ican!
(对门内)Lunch!Lunch!Whereareyou?
L(扎着围裙,拿着锅铲,从门内跳出来):I’mhere!What’supmum?
JM:I’vetoldyouagainandagainthatyoushouldcallme“mymostbeautifulgracefuland
dearestmother-in-law”.
L:OK.Mymostbeautifulgracefulanddearestmother-in-law,what’sup?
JM:Sinceyoumarriedmysonyouhavebehavedsobadly.Youhavebeensorude,sobrusque,so
lazy……
L:But……
JM:Neverinterruptme!
L:Neverinterruptme!SinceImarriedyourson,thatterribleJohnny,Ihavebeenworkinghardall
daylong,cookingandwashing.Ihaveraisedtensofthousandsofpigsandducksandchicken
and……
JM:Butallthoseyouhavedonearenotasvaluableasagrandson!
L(生气地挥动着锅铲):Oh,youwantagrandson,don’tyou?(开始解围裙)Goandaskyour
son.I’mleaving!(扯下围裙,扔在JM的脸上,下)
Act2
(LM坐在台上打毛线,L拿着锅铲上)
L:Mum,I’mback!
LM:Youareback?Why?Whathappened?
L:Iwaskickedoutbymymostbeautifulgracefulanddearestmother–in-law.
LM(惊讶,但随即露出幸灾乐祸的神情):See!Ihavealreadytoldyou!Whenyouinsistedon
marryingthatterribleJohnny,Itoldyouthatheisuglystupidandpoor,butyoudidnotlisten
tome.Lookatyourself……
L:But,mum……
LM:Neverinterruptme!
L:Mum,I’mnotinterruptingyou.IjustwanttotellyouthatyouarealwaysrightOK?And
I’llmarrywhomeveryouwantmeto.
LM(大喜):Nicegirl!Justnow,Imetthemayor’ssoninthemarket.Hesaid:“Ifyoudaughter
Haven’tbeenmarried,Ireallyreallywanttomarryher!”Nowyouarefreeagain,I’llgo
andtellhim.(下)
L(惊愕):What?Themayor’sson?Themostfamousplayboyintheneighbor-hood?(手中的锅
铲掉在地上)WhatasillythingIhavedone!(下)
Act3
(J睡眼惺忪上)
J(边走边道):Lunch!Lunch!Wherearemysocks?
(走了几步,在地上捡起袜子)Heretheyare!(闻一下) Er!Howsmelly!Theyarestilldirty!
(突然想起)Lunchhasgone!Ihavetowashthemmyself.
(他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起来)Oh,I’msohungry!Butthere’snobreakfast!(捡起地上的围
裙)ThisiswhatLunchalwayswears!Imisshersomuch,andherexcellentcookingskill!Now
shehasgone.Ihavetocookformymotherandmyself.
JM(上):Where’smybreakfast?Where’sLunch?Hasn’tshegotupyet?
J:Mum,can’tyouremember?Lunchhasgone!
JM(沉吟片刻):Well,totellyouthetruthJohnny,asonwithoutawifeisuseless.Lunchisanice
girl,goandtakeherback!
J(立正敬礼):Yesmadam!
Act4
(J开心地走着，忽然跳出来三个强盗)
A:Heyyou!Stopandlistentous!
Theroadisbuiltbyme!(抬脚重重地踩在一块大石头上)
B:AndIplantedonetree!(亦抬脚踩在同一块石头上)
C:Ifyouwanttogobythisstreet---(欲踩石头，但踩到了A的脚)
AB&C:Giveusallyourmoney!
J(搜遍了每一个口袋，掏出1角硬币):Is1maoenough?
(三强盗晕倒状，接着三人聚在一边商量)
A:Whatbadluck!Thisguyisbroken!
B:Ifwecannotrobanymoneytoday,wewillhavenothingtoeattonight!
C:Iheardthatthemayor’ssonisgoingtomarryMissLiuLanzhinextmonth.WEcangoand
robthewedding!
A&B:Goodidea!
J(惊讶):What?What?Lunchisgoingtogetmarried?It’simpossible!
AB&C:Why?Aprettygirlandarichman,whatagoodcouple!
J:ButLunchismywife!Wehaven’tgotdivorcedyet!
(突然有了主意)I’vegotanidea!Youaregoingtorobthewedding,don’tyou?I’llgo
withyou.YoutakethemoneyandItakethebride.
B:Haveyougotanyexperience?
J:No.ButI’vegotthis!(J脱下鞋子从里面摸出一张支票，上书＄1，000，000)
Act5
(转眼已到了婚礼之期．MS意气风发用红绸牵着新娘上，J盖着红盖头极不情愿地被拉上台)
(J和三强盗跃至台中)
ABC&J:Heyyou!Stopandlistentous!
A:Theroadisbuiltbyme!
B:AndIplantedonetree.
C:Ifyouwanttogobythisstreet---
J:Giveusallyourmoney!
(L听到J的声音，掀起了盖头)
L(惊喜万分):Johnny!(不顾一切地飞奔到J的身边并躲到了的身后)
(MS大怒，挥拳向J打来．J矮身一躲，MS打中了J身后的L，L晕倒)
J(火冒三丈):Howdareyoubeatmywife!（挥拳向MS冲去）
(J与MS混战，JM上，以拐杖击晕MS)
(J将MS胸前的新郎标志扯下戴在自己胸前)
J(扶起L，关切地问):Honey,howareyou?
L(哭状):Ihurtalot!
J:Don’tcrybaby.I’llgoandfetchthemedicine. (下)
L(起身去追):Waitforme! (跑下)
(音乐起 CanYouCelebrate)
《叶花K西》
人物介绍：西门吹雪（X），叶孤城（Y），King(K).花满楼（H）
道具：牛奶两袋，匕首一把，戒子一枚，纸屑若干。
第一幕：决战紫荆城之颠
旁白：A quiet villageiscoveredwithwhitesnow .
Birdsaredancinginthecold .
Amaniswalkingalongthestreet ,stepbystep .
Windiscominginsilence.
Another mysteriousmanapproaches .
Y与X相遇．
X：oH ,Iamsorrytoknockyou !
Y:Haha, Nevermindbaybay.
X:Excuseme， whoareyouonearth? couldyoutellmeyourname?
Y:ha ha ,Iwon’tchangemyname! nomatterwhathappens. I’mthemostfamous-------YeGucheng. Whoareyou?
X:Iamximenchuixue.
Y惊讶:Ar, ximenchui xue?
X:Yes,whatiswrong?
Y:IheardthatyouarethebestingMartialArts?
X:Great, youknowme !
Y抱腿：Please, please…… Don’tkillme! letmeyougo!
X:No, Imustkillyou !
Y:Idon''''''''''''''''twanttobekilled.Thereare aeighty-year-oldmotheandathree-yearold sontobelookedafterbyme!
X:Noway! Becausewearefightingnow!youknow?
Y突然站起冷冷的说：Don''''''''''''''''t forceme!
X:Pardon!
(Y拿出一袋牛奶)
X抢过牛奶:milk, verygood! Ilikedrinkingit. howdoyouknowthat?
Y:pleasedrinkit!
X喝完牛奶:Thanks, ha,ha
Y:Doyoustillwanttokillme?
X:Sure, must! milkismilk.
Y(恼怒+冷酷):Verygood! verygood! Ihopeyouwillnotforgetwhatyousaid!?
X:I’msureIwon’t!
Y:Imustgiveyoualesson!IfIdon''''''''''''''''tbeatyourthistime, you’llneverbehaveproperly!3-2-1-0!
X捂着肚子，蹲下：Oach,Oach !
Y大笑：HaHa……
X可怜状: help! help! Whereisthewashroom?
Y:What ?
X:Toliet?
Y:What ?
X:The “WC”?
Y:Oh,I see ,goalongthisstreetandturnrightwhenyouseeacorssingroad!
X:Thanks,byebye.
Y掏出纸屑吹:Thisisgenuirnesnow!
H:Stop!Protectingtheenvironmentisabasicobligation!
Y:Whoareyou?
H:Hua---man----lou! Haveyouseenximenchuixue?
Y:Yes, hewasbeatenbymeandisin“WC” now,ha……
H惊讶:Nowyouarethebestintheworld!
Y:Youareright!
H:Teriffic!youaretheonemykinglookingfor! doyouwantjoininus?
Y:Yes,It’sverygood.
H:Ok, followme, Let’sgotoseemyking!
Y:Ok,Let’s go!
第二幕：无间道
H:Mydearest ! letmeintroduce yeguchengtoyou! （指Y） thisisyegucheng.
K:sitdownplese, yegucheng.
H走到Y前，《婚礼进行曲》起，H神甫状:Yegucheng! Doyouwanttofollowmykingnomatterwhathappenssuchascold headache,sair and aids?
Y: Yes,Ido.
K: Huamanlou, come . puttheringonhisfinger!（音乐停）
X唱着上:Onlyyou……(看到戒子) thisringshouldbemine!
K:Butwhoareyou? whyshoulditbelongyou?
Y急切: king! dearking!Imustgonow,mybrotherislookingforme!huoxi(维语再见)
K:huoxi? Whatdoesthatmean? ItisnotEnglish, isn’t it ?
Y:How clever……
X冷酷:yegucheng! comehere!Iwanttotellyousomething!
Y抱X的腿:oldbrother ! Forgiveme!
X:Forgiveme? Why?
Y: Oncetherewasachangebeforeme,Ilostit. Ifthegodgivemeantherchance, I’lltellyou“I love you”,Iftheremustbea limited period,Ihopeitisthousandyear!
X:Youshall cheat me!all you did are wrong!how can youtell thelady’s“WC”!
Y:Ilikegoinglady’s WC .I……I……IthinkthatyoulikewhatIlike.(Y又拿出一袋牛奶)
X: m-i-l-k?haha, ayixidailu!(我爱你的意思)
K: ayixidailu?What’sthemeaning? whyIalsocan’tunderstandyou?
X:Youarestupid! Itmeans“I love you”.
K:Don’t saythat“you love me”. I’llkillyouforyousayingdirtywordtome!
X:What? (侧耳装着听不到) You---kill----me?come, come…(X上去抓住K)
K:Fuckyou. Imustkillyou!
X:Howcanyoukillme? haha……
Y:Letmehaveatry! 3-2-1-0(X捂着肚子，蹲下)
K: thankyouverymuch, yousaveme. Now, I’llgiveyoutheticketforAmericantoletyou
haveavacation.
Y:That’s good. butthereisonemorething. canyougivemea MM ?IwanttogoAmericanwithher.
K:ofcouse.Youaretheonewhohasthesimilartastewithme! Hahaha……
Y:Hahaha-----
H:Where’ssomewhere?
K:What?
Y:Doyouwanttogolady’s“WC”?
X:Yes,I……I…… do.
H顶着摇头：X,no, no， youcan’tgotoLady’s “WC”. Thatisnottheplacewhereyoucangointo ! becauseyouareX ! youarethe bestmanofChinesekongfu!
X: whatifI’mthebestintheword? !whyItrymybesttolivebutI’mstillsomiserable ? whencanIgetmyfreedom? mustbethedeadday ? !
K: youareright. onewillnotbecleveruntilthedayhedie. Inthatcase ,whywill you die in such a bad sorrow way !gointo theLady’s WC , thendie , comfortablly ! goahead !
H: you , stupid , bad behavior ! goaway !
K; why ? whydoyouhelphim ! whoacturallyareyou ?
H: myreal name isLuXiaofeng------the wifeofX .I’maspy.
K惊讶: !you---you---YouareLuXiaofeng ? X’wife ?
Y: Ihavealreadyrecognizedyou . atricker ! doyouknow, youarethefirst person who cheated me ! because of you ,Ideeide never believe anyone else ,including myself .you have destroyed my looking for you for many years ,just for today ! (轻声说)Xwilldie ,goandseehim ,please .
H扑倒在X的身边：X,do’t die ,you should be alive ,there are much hope inthe fature and tomorrow is a goodbeginning !
K:what amoving story !I was impressed !
Y:life is a progress ,but it is depressed that it can not resume !
H: life isa progress ,and it is delight that itneedn’t resume !
(H忽然将一把匕首插进Y的心脏，K吓跑.音乐《再见，警察》起)
Y痛苦状:don’tleave me here , you know I love you and I have nothing except you now ,please notabandon me !realizethat I’m wrong .help me,I intend to be back ,helpme ,I keyyou ,beg you------help me . I’ll never dothat again !(Y死，音乐停)
（X咳，H扑到身边，电影《我的父亲母亲》原声音乐起）
H: X , oh , no ,you can’t die ,we will go home together .
X:gohome ! ?
H:Tomorrow is another day !evenyou have thelast secondto live,youshould be alive ,not only for me , but for ourlove !
X:doyouwant melivealifeinsuchasorrow way ? ok , ok , Ipromise I willbealive for you .but !youknow, Ihavenot timeleft ,but you have ,promisethatyou will be happy everyday !Youmustdome this honor... promise meyou will survive... that youwillnevergiveup... nomatter what happens... no matter howhopeless... promise me now ,andnever let go of that promise.
H: I promise .
X:Never let go .
H:Ipromise . Iwill never let go ,
X.I''''''''ll never letgo.(X死)
H:be alive !yeah , bealive ! bealivewithout ahendance !lifecanbechanceliketimecangotoback . thereisbeatifulsnowbutinsping , solifecancomefromthebeginning ! （H自刎，艰难的爬到X身边死.音乐停。）
4
我讨厌英语
（道具：小床、门）
Mum: Tom get up !
Tom Yes ,mummy. Good moring,mummy.
Mum: Good moring,Tom.
Mum: Breakfast is reday.
Tom: I\'m coming. Wow, eggs ! I like eggs.
Mum: Now, Tom. Wash your face.
Tom: Yes, I will.
Mum: Brush your teeth.
Tom: All right.
Tom: Moring, Daddy.
Dad: Moring, dear.
Tom: I\'m hungry.
Mum: Have an egg, please.
Tom: Thanks, mummy.
I want some milk.
Mum: Here you are.
Tom: I\'m full.
Mum: Time to go to school.
Tom: Where is my school bag?
Mum: Here it is.
Are you ready?
Tom: Yes. Goodbye, mummy. Goodbye ,daddy.
Mum&Dad: Goodbye, Tom.
（上学路上，一段跳舞的动作，配乐）
Tom: Hello WiWi.
WiWi: Hello Tom.
Tom: Are you going to school?
WiWi: Yes. Let\'s go.
Jane: Hello Tom ,hello WiWi.
Tom &WiWi: Hello Jane.
Jane : Are you going to school?
Tom &WiWi: Yes. Let\'s go.
（上课，铃声响，一段跳舞和做游戏，配乐）
Mr Xu: Now class begins.
Pupils: Stand up!
Mr Xu: Hello, boys and girls.
Pupils: Hello Mr Xu.
Mr Xu : Sit down, please.
Are you all here?
Monitors: No.
Mr Xu: Let\'s count.
Pupils: One , two, three, four...ten
（咚咚咚）
May: May I come in?
Mr Xu: Come in, please.
May: Sorry, I\'m late.
Mr Xu: That\'s all right.
Don\'t be late again
Mr Xu: Let\'s play.
Show me one.
Pupils : (Show a ginger.)
Mr Xu: Clap two.
Pupils: (clap their hands).
Mr Xu : Today we will learn some songs. Who can try?
Puple : I can .
Mr Xu : Please.
(Happy new year!
Eyes and ears.
Trian is coming.
Fish where are you)
（看一下手表）Class is over. Goodbye boys and girls.
Pupils: Goodbye .
人物：Mummy, Daddy, Tom, Mr Xu, May
A(衣衫褴褛） B（衣着光鲜） C小花 E椅子 F新闻记者
B坐在E上吃东西，A一乞丐上前
A：先生，先生，请给我些面包，谢谢，我饿得不行了。
B：（厌恶）让开，让开。（然后便起身离开，这时他的钱包掉到E上头了）
A：先生，先生（A看见后，立即拾起，追上了走远的B）
B：让开，让开啊，我没吃的了，也没钱了（看也不看A，仍自顾自地走了）
C：他真愚蠢啊
A：可……先生……您听我说……（仍拉着B衣服的后摆）
B：挖，你这人怎么这么讨厌！（还是没有回头看A一眼）
C：椅子啊，你会不会觉得刚刚坐在你身上的人特愚蠢？
E：唉，人总是这么愚蠢啊~~~~
与此同时A与B还在纠缠，这时E终于隐忍不住爆发了。
E：先生！你的钱包丢了！你怎么这么傻啊。
A与B同时回头，看见了那会说话的椅子E，吓昏过去了。这一幕恰巧被经过的F看见了。于是F就报道了这一事件。
F：大家好，我是新闻记者F，今天我看见了一个奇异的现象，一个椅子说话了，两个人被吓昏了，下面我将采访一下被吓昏的两个人。
B：哦，上帝，哦，妈妈。
F：这个人傻了，我们不鸟他了，下面我采访一下另一个人吧，请问你为什么不告诉他，他的钱包丢了？
A：对不起，我不知道“钱包”这个单词怎么讲……
F：通过这一事件，我们可以认识到，掌握一门外语的重要性，以及金钱给人类带来的影响。是吗，椅子？
E：是啊，是啊（E傻傻地拼命点头）
C：唉，人可真愚蠢，椅子也被他们弄傻了.
A:sir,sir,please give me a piece of bread.thank you,sir.I'm hungry to die.
B:get away,get away,dirty man.
A:sir,sir!!
B:run away,please run away.I have no food,and I don't have money,either.
C:hey,xiao D,he is so foolish,isn't he?
A:but....sir....please listen to me.....
B:wa,why are you so disgusting!!
C:hey,chair,do you feel the man sat on you a moment ago is very stupid.
E:ai,pretty flower,do you know,men are always very silly.
E:sir!you lost your wallet!can't you be more clever?
F:good morning,everybody.I'm a jonrnist F. Today I saw a very weird thing--a chair open her mouth,and two men are frightened to faint.now,I will intenview the two nozzy man.
B:wo,my god,wo,my,mum.
F:I'm sorry to tell you this man has been mad.we needn't take notice of him.let me interview the other man,hello,man,can you tell men why didn't you tell him he lost his wallet?
A:I'm sorry,I don't know how to speak "钱包" in english......
F:dear audience,through this thing we can learn that how improtant it is to mastery a foreign language,and how lagre the money affect us.is that all right,chair?
E:yes,yes.
C:ai,men is so silly.
适合初中生的晚会英语剧本（搞笑）
Narration: Carrie, Cici and Wing are co-worker of a company. This day they are talking in the office.
Ca: Bingo! I finally finish this case. It is really tough! I have not slept well for almost a week.Wing: Me too .I always get so busy in this season. I have drunk three cups of coffee in order to keep awake.
Ci: Our boss must be enjoying his holiday in Fiji very much. What do you think he will feel when he comes back to see our case?
Ca:Of course he will feel surprised and give each of us a promotion.
Wing: Come on, he is a devil, how could he do this to us? Anyway, we should award ourselves for these days hard work!
Ca: You are right. Let’s pig out on junk food!
Wing: I have stayed in China for a whole year and I miss my hometown. I miss German food!
Ca: so do I .how much I love French food!
Ci: I have not eaten German or French food before. Do you have any recommendation?
Ca: If you visit France or go to a French restaurant, snails, cheese, and goose liver and red wine are the best choices.
Wing: You also can’t miss the famous German sausage, ham and blue checse
Ci: They all sound yummy. But do you know what Chinese eat when they miss their families?
Wing&Ca: No
Ci: The answer is dumplings!
Ca:Well ,I heard that before though I haven’t tasted .
Wing: Can you make dumplings, CiCi? Would you make some for us? I have been longing for dumplings for a long time.
Ci: Aha, it is as easy as a pie for me .what about coming to my house tonight? We can make dumplings together. I will teach you how to cook it.
Ca: Great! That is fantastic. Then it will be the first time to make and eat dumplings
Wing: Very good idea! We could busy some basic ingredient at the supper market after work.
Ci: Sure.We need flour, yeast, pork, cabbages, vinegar, sauce and ginger.
(The three colleagues had their shopping and now they are in CiCi’s house)CiCiours some pour on the table and said:”Carrie, can you fetch some water here?”
Ca: sure, here you are .what s next?
Ci:Ci:we have to mix the flour yeast and water together .be careful ,don’t add too much water.
Ca: Okay, I’m kneeing the dough repentedly.it is becoming and softer
Wing: Yeah, I am cutting the pork into many small pieces, and then I will add several spoons of oil in it .shall I blend them?
CiCi: Yes, make sure they blend well. A bit salt and a spoon of vinegar are needed, too.(an hour later)Ca: Yes, the dumplings are prepared .lets start!
CiCi: Wait! I remember well that you all miss the food from your hometown.Look, what are these?
Ca: Wow! Cheese! Where did you get it? And my favorite red wine.
Wing: God. Those are sausage and ham, I can’t believe it!
CiCi: Haha, it is a big surprise, isn’t it? Now ,we are got all three countries’ food ready.
Ca: So it is a complete big meal.
Wing: An unforgettable banquet in my life. Let’s cheers!
Ca, Ci, Wing: Cheers!
有两个，第二个可能有点长。一：羊肉串和纳税人（英文小品）
Characters:
Mr. Shi, Xiaofu, Dabao
Mr. Shi: Tax is the major source of the fiscal revenue. There is an evident change about the relationship between the tax collector and taxpayer in the past 20 years. Now, the tax collector, Xiaofu, and the tax payer Dabao, a vendor selling Yangrouchuan will show you the very change. The first Act happened in 1980s.
Act I
(in Bazaar of Beijing, sanlihe, 1980s)
Dabao: Yangrouchuan , yangrouchuan, eaten one ,want nine, eaten one, want nine.
Hi, Take my yangrouchuan.(slipped, take it up, )
Xiaofu: Tax! Pay the tax!
Dabao: (change faces)
Taxi? Where is the taxi? Here’s no taxi.
Xiaofu: Tax! T---A ---X!
Dabao: What’s the tax? I just know taxi! Do you want me to call a taxi for you?
Taxi----! Taxi----!
Xiaofu: Enough! Are you the vendor?
Dabao: No , No, No, no! I 'm just have a look. The vendor has gone to the toilet.
Xiaofu: Not the vendor ? Impossible! you 've been here for 2 hours.
Dabao: Really ? (Xiaofu: Yes, of course.)
How do you know it?
Xiaofu: The window of my office is open to here and I 've been looking at you for two hours.
Dabao: It’s a big bug!
Xiaofu: Oh. Don’t waste my time! Please pay the tax---- 10 Yuan!
Dabao: 10 yuan?! My god. I had just earned 20 Yuan one day! 5 Yuan, ok?
Xiaofu: Don't cheat me, you've sold more than 2 hundred ones.
Dabao: 6yuan, my dear sisiter.
7Yuan, my lovely beauty.
Dabao: Not for you ,not for me, let's split the difference. 8 yuan ,ok ?
Xiaofu: (looking around) All right ,a deal. But no receipt.
(Dabao payed 8 yuan and Xiaofu left)
Dabao: What a smart woman! Bad luck! I’m bankrupt. I have to change my place.
Hope I would not meet her any more! Let’s go!
Act II
Mr. Shi: The next scene happened in new century. China had been marching in the way of the market economy for twenty years more, in the new era of building the well-off society in an all-round way, how do the vendor regard tax as and how is the tax collected? The scene will tell you.
Let’s enjoy it!
(In the market; Dabao in white clothes ,a board with "NO SARS")
Dabao:: Yangrouchuan, yangrouchuan. Eaten one, want nine. Eaten one, want nine.
Xiaofu: Hi,
Dabao: Hi.
Two: What a familiar face.
Two: It’s you!
Dabao: 10 years past, you are a still a tax collector.
Xiaofu: 10 years past, you still sell Yangrouchuan.
How is your business?
Dabao: Everything is OK!
10 years past, you are still beautiful lady in Sanlihe of Beijing.
Xiaofu: 10 years past, you and your Yangrouchuan look more clean than 20 years before.
Dabao: Thank you. No SARS, no dirtiness; Serve people, serve me.
Xiaofu: Great! Have you……
Dabao: Married? I ‘m not married; I’m still single.
Xiaofu: Have you claimed your tax this month?
Dabao: What? Taxi? Oh, tax! Of course. I should pay the tax of 50 Yuan this month and I have claimed at the begin of this month.
Xioafu: Your receipt, please.
Dabao: (shows the receipt )
Here you are, I have paid my tax in the tax service center by computer.
Xiaofu: Great! What a good taxpayer you are.
Dabao: Thank you. It is my duty. I’m proud of myself to pay the tax for our country.
Xiaofu: Yeah! The tax you paid is a share of our country’s economy, and you do a lot for Olympics of Beijing!
Dabao: Let’s do it together! . It’s said that, Don't ask what your country can do for you but ask what you can do for your country. Just like me, sell Yangrouchuan, and pay the Tax for ten years more.
Xiaofu: You 're the loveliest people in new century!
Dabao: Thank you! And you 're the loveliest tax collector in new era!
X: Excuse me, and I have to go now. Bye-bye.
D: A moment, are you free tomorrow evening? Could I have a dinner with you?
Xiaofu: Well, may I have the company of my husband?
Dabao: No, no, no problem. 6 o’clock in the evening, Beichuanyuan, ok?
Xiaofu: just a kidding. I have to go home now.(leaves)
Dabao, See you tomorrow.
Dabao: Hope to see you everyday.
二： People: small people liv
ing with HIV, Xiao Wu, Xiao ling, the teacher:
classrooms: Xiao Ling sleep lying on the table. Xiaoai next to lost books,
went out. Xiao Wu Jin, sat on the location of small people living with HIV.
Xiaoai (come in): well, young man, is puzzling, isn't it funny, can't you see,
that I have! Xiao Wu: be conscientious and meticulous, maoshimao, actually I
older than you! Xiaoai: I early in the morning came, at first glance didn't
see you? Xiao Wu: I saw last night. Xiaoai: last row is my patent! To it, I
got out of bed early every day, Rob broken head, blood of DC, this position
cannot be lost! Xiao Wu: the last row is my pride, treasured place here is very.
As I drove from the (xiaoai:--keep trying? ) Advised the sooner you leave it
at that! Xiao Ling woke up: noisy noisy noisy? Early morning so Holy quarrel
in the classroom, a waste of life! Do you know you've made some errors? Ah?
Xiaoai: Yes. Xiao Wu: we are not noisy. Xiao Ling: you most
unforgivable--woke me up! Xiaoai sitting in front of Ling. Xiaoai: last, also
is developing style. Dude, examination according to my point! Xiao Wu: Ah?
Test today? Xiao Ling: not? My hands are numb! Xiaoai: Oh? Xiao Wu:
sleeps, right? Ling: no! Little tired! Xiaoai: Hey, think I have a night
light to toss wet rendering most of the night! Xiao Wu: uh, strenuous
learning? Xiao Ling: you hit the grass? Xiaoai: Yeah, I'm thinking about
examination policy! Xiao Wu, Xiao Ling get past: think of what? Small AI
laughing: tell you that this trick must have! Xiao Wu, Siu-ling: come on!
Xiaoai: according to the book copy--(pick up) Xiao Ling: die! Xiao Wu: it's a
good idea! I did not expect it? Xiao Ling: come on. You also known as silver
bullets? Well, in order to ease the tense atmosphere, debut humorous puzzles
that I gave you. Xiaoai, Xiao Wu secretarial 114 copyright all to ignore her.
Xiao Ling: say, exam answers a few steps? Xiaoai, Xiao Wu get past: a few
steps? Xiao Ling: a three-step! The first step: write their names. (Two nods)
the second step: go over the topic! (Two nods) step three:--hand rolls!
The little moxa: draw oh!
Small five: who ah?
Linda: I'll give you a problem; say, today's exam, who is not here?
The little moxa: exam today who can not come? Xiaoling?
Xiao Ling: I'm not in it!
Elwin: have a look around, small five?
Small five: here!
The little moxa: ah! I know -- i!
Wu: you are white! Come with no is not a result!
Xiaoling: answer, the teacher! Hasn't come in yet!
The teacher came in.
Three people jump: is it? How to say not to come? Oh dear. (loud)
Teacher: what? The toad came in?
Three people laugh.
Teacher: hard! This exam! A little occupation ethics are not! What is most important in this year? -- fraction! Points, your life! (GRIN) exam, our magic!
The little moxa: copy copy, our unique skill!
Teacher: quick roll! The exam will not come early, it all the time! Exam began half an hour! Where did you go?
Hair volume.
Teacher: the examination time for two hours! Not more than a hour forbid you! Want to answer please pick up the pen, do not want to answer please rest. Want to go to the toilet classmates -- please constraint yourself!
G: I have a good teacher ratio,
He is looking for the cat -- mouse when the escort unreasonable demands!
Xiaoling! He is the legendary rapper, or mouth can mutter said not finished?
Teacher: quiet! You are quiet than tree! Don't know how you made a serious mistake? Weight than the sea!
Three people open the copy.
Teacher: (a little) the students please don't copy!
Xiao Wu, Xiao Ling: I didn't copy!
The teacher walked into the little moxa: classmate, don't copy!
The little moxa: how do you know? I put on the desk copy!
Teacher: your table in front of the plate away, I saw!
The little moxa: (looking) oh! Tough luck!
The teacher confiscated the little moxa roll, Ai Gang want to stand up and walk.
Teacher: sit down! No less than an hour out!
The teacher walked to the next small Wu, small Wu roll of paper to table to copy.
Teacher: Okay, don't pretend!
Most despise you take these books of cheating, a are not technical content.
Did you copy? Like this? Like this?
Small five: low and then low!
Teacher: (to confiscate the small roll) you will sit self-reflection, why take a Book cheat?
Wu: don't want to take the book! Who let I didn't like her (Ling) as a good grass!
The small Ling stared at wu.
Teacher: that's right, next time remember to grass! I love this hard-working child.
Teacher: a point! Hand in.
> good roll.
Teacher: good. Remember the afternoon to consider the high number of! (next)
The little moxa: ah! Also in the afternoon high?
Xiaoling: ah!! In the afternoon the high number of! (pick up grass) just what?
Small five: high...... Number?! What is that tree?
Three people: a study of how to play under the grass!
The teacher came in (the teacher plays the one dress).
The little moxa: Language
The teacher!
Teacher: what, how do you write a composition! (rolls to the little moxa)
G: what?
Teacher: you read.
The little moxa: "my teacher", my teacher has an oval face......
Teacher: wait, (took out a big sign, write claw) is this your face melon? You write is my teacher has a paw face!
Elwin: teacher, paws face and face, can't do it?
Teacher: you read.
The little moxa: my teacher looks really beautiful, really beautiful, really beautiful, really beautiful, really beautiful, really beautiful......
Teacher: stop! You write so many really beautiful? It has come to the end!
Elwin: teacher, writing is not a requirement of not less than 500 words?
Teacher: you only Portrait beautiful?
The little moxa: not required to write one's real feelings? This is all my emotions!
Teacher: hum, tell you, you are only 496 words!
The little moxa: oh! Then added: really beautiful ah!
Teacher: you have a look your translations, touch the Huai died you how to translate?
The little moxa: find old locust tree hanged herself!
Teacher: why is the old tree? You see you explain words, explain the death, you should write to die!
G: Oh, I wanted to write!
Teacher: (face) you, you hang up again!
The little moxa: give me a chance! I have repaired five times!
Teacher: OK, I'll give you a chance. Heard of blister Ding cattle, do a job with skill and ease? You do a job with skill and ease to make a sentence, I will give you the!
Elwin: -- -- -- fish swim blade?! Fish...... The fish, the fish swim in the water, the fish swims......
Teacher: (laughing) congratulations, get --
The little moxa: too?
Teacher: (cold) rebuilt sixth times opportunity. (next)
Xiao Ling, Xiao Wu: Oh, come on high grass.
The teacher came in.
Small five: Philosophy teacher!
Teacher: Xiao wu!
Small five!
Teacher: you have a look of rolls of paper!
My question is: that is the question, please answer.
How do you answer?
Small five: This is the answer, please give points...... No.?
Teacher: you call this problem?
Teacher: you -- well, the next,
Questions: what is courage, why didn't you answer?
Wu: my answer!
Teacher: write five words!
Small five: (reading) this is the courage! You 're right. And then I didn't answer the following question paper, I put it the courage to explain!
Teacher: you -- you hanging!
Small five: the teacher! Give me a chance! I hung up the fifteen!
Teacher: let me ask you two questions. See you good luck......
Small five: two -- too much!
Teacher: Well, the first question to answer! Second questions you don't answer I will let you live, how much hair do you have?
Small five: if I were a good.
Teacher: ah!
Small five: 123456789!
Teacher: how do you know?
Small five: the teacher, second questions I can't answer!
Teacher: good! Very nice. Nicely done. Take (handed a piece of paper)
Small five: This is --
Teacher: restoration of single! (next)
Xiaoling, Elwin: come on high --
The teacher came in.
Xiaoling: English teacher! (to run)
Teacher: Xiao Ling, run what? Did not eat breakfast!
Xiaoling: don't eat --
Teacher: I saw your morning meal!
Xiaoling: -- tomorrow's breakfast!
Teacher: Xiao Ling, have a look the rolls of paper, you that reading comprehension is no one to! You is it right? Don't read directly see the problem?
Xiaoling: not!
Teacher: also dare excuses!
Xiao Ling: I did not see even the subject, direct look at the answer selected!
Teacher: and your composition! How familiar?
Xiaoling: can't look familiar? Reading the first sentence of each paragraph the words together......
Teacher: Xiao Ling, you should know! You this --
Xiaoling: ah! The teacher, I have five, fifteen, no, fifty times! Don't hang up!
Teacher: it's not that I don't give you...... This...... For example, you can translate the eveningdre is what mean?
(to the audience) is the evening dress!
Xiao Ling looking at g, wu.
The little moxa: evening is the night, the most suitable for the big game!
Small five: dre is mm total clamoring to buy clothes!
Xiaoling: oh! Teacher, I know! It is nocturnal clothing!
The teacher shook his head. (next)
Xiaoling: No, I have to find a teacher to! The two of you study it slowly! (next)
G: Well, the grass play may not be useful, I also go.
Small five: how do? Hand in a blank examination paper?
Elwin: of course not draw back, I went to one of the most difficult question now, then write in the volume of paper, themselves out your answer! (next)
Small five: personality. (just wanna go)
The teacher came in.
Small five: the teacher in charge!
Teacher: Xiao Wu, I talk to you.
Small five: ah!
Teacher: test last time this question asked: this response is what principle? What's your answer?
Small five: -- physical principle.
Teacher: so the answer?
Small five: don't...... Is the chemical principle?
Teacher: Xiao Wu! You're so it can do? Why don't love learning?
Small five: -- don't like my major!
Teacher: ring? You know that ring is stem what?
Small five: sanitation workers.
Teacher: environmental engineering!
Wu: Oh? Then I graduated to do?
Teacher. Environmental sanitation worker.
Small five: heard that the sewage treatment.
Teacher: (excited) who said that the sewage treatment? -- also air pollution!
Small five: how to control the atmosphere?
Teacher: I don't understand this! I teach water pollution treatment!
Small five: or wastewater treatment.
Teacher: your mother see your summer results?
Small five: see. Secretarial copyright 114
Teacher: really? You send?
Small five: of course I send!
Teacher: what your mother told you?
Small five: my mom said to send what idle school transcript?
Teacher. You go.
Small five: can't go.
Teacher: why?
Wu: no curtain call!
Four with the curtain call.（谢幕）
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[英语小品剧本] The Pocket Money 佚名 11-27 [英语小品剧本] 英语剧本买药 佚名 11-27 [英语小品剧本] 英语搞笑话剧《孔雀东南飞》 佚名 11-27 [英语小品剧本] 孙悟空vs猪八戒 佚名 11-24 [英语小品剧本] 英文小短剧 佚名 11-10 共25 篇文章 首页 上一页 下一页 尾页 页次:1\/2页 20篇文章\/页 ...
求简单英语五人小品剧本,请看清下面的补充要求。在线等,挺急的。
搞笑英语微电影剧本《Whose treat》（英语5人搞笑微电影剧本）演员：A—— ，B—— ，C—— ，D—— ，旁白——编剧： 摄影：后期制作：插曲：场景一《铃儿响叮当》场景二《雪绒花》场景三《泰坦尼克号主题曲》场景四《flash》场景五《never say goodbye》或者《字母歌》道具：一份...
英文搞笑短剧剧本(3～4个人)急
N: In a dark dirty house, there lived a small, dirty salesman. He always makes unhealthy candies and sells them to the students. He has a lot of money now. But how does he make the candies? Oh, Xu …… He is coming! S: Hello, do you know me? No? Oh, let me ...
急需一份10分钟左右的搞笑英语短剧剧本。要新鲜点的。
4人英语短剧剧本[搞笑版大话西游]10分钟左右 Three Times’ Beating Monster 人物：T唐僧 S：孙悟空 E：猪八戒 J：沙僧 B：白骨精 B1：B变成的村姑 B2：B变成的太婆 B3：B变化成的老头 N：哪吒 T: Emitofo,do you know where we are now?S: Bajie,map!E: (摸出，递给S)S: Look,master...
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17672565290： (道具:小床、门) Mum: Tom get up ! Tom Yes ,mummy. Good moring,mummy. Mum: Good moring,Tom. Mum: Breakfast is reday. Tom: I\'m coming. Wow, eggs ! I like eggs. Mum: Now, Tom. Wash your face. Tom: Yes, I will. Mum: Brush your teeth...
17672565290： 男: This seat empty?(这个座位是空的吧?) 女:Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.(是的,如果你坐下,我的座位就是空的.)【我立马走人】 男:Haven''t I seen you some place before?(我好像以前在什么地方见过你?) 女:Yes....
