求几篇80个单词左右的英语短文/小故事/幽默笑话 急需一篇50~80词的英语小故事，励志的。笑话也行。《高中水...
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
好孩子
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”
“她是个卖糖果的。”
Nest and Hair
My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom.
"What kind of bird?" my sister asked.
"I didn't see the bird, ma' am, only the nest," replied the child.
"Then, can you give us a description of the nest?" my sister encouraged her .
"Well, ma'am, it just resembles your hair. "
Notes:
(1) inform v.告诉
(2) nest n.窝；巢
(3) description n.描述
(4) encourage v.鼓励
(5) resemble v. 相似；类似
18.鸟窝与头发
我姐姐是一位小学老师。一次一个学生告诉她说一只鸟儿在教室外 的树上垒了个窝。
“是什么鸟呢？”我姐姐问她。
“我没看到鸟儿，老师，只看到鸟窝。”那孩子回答说。
“那么，你能给我们描述一下这个鸟巢吗？”我姐姐鼓励她道。
“哦，老师，就像你的头发一样。”
I've Just Bitten My Tongue
"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother.
"Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?"
"Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "
Notes:
(1) poisonous adj.有毒的
(2) Cause I've just bitten my tongue 因为我刚咬了自己的舌头。 句中 Cause 是 Because 的缩略形式。
我刚咬破自己的舌头
“我们有毒吗？”一个年幼的蛇问它的母亲。
“是的，亲爱的，”她回答说，“你问这个干什么？”
“因为我刚刚咬破自己的舌头。”
A Woman Who Fell
It was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City's Grand Central Terminal - As I neared the gate, a plump, middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind, lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back. Her momentum carried her close to my shoes. Before I could help her, however, she had scrambled up. Gaining her composure, she winked at me and said, "Do you always have beautiful women failing at your feet?"
摔倒的女人
上下班高峰期，我匆匆奔向纽约豪华中心站去赶一趟火车。接近门口，一位肥胖的中年妇女从后面冲过来，没想到在平滑的大理石地面上失了脚，仰面滑倒了。她的惯性使她接近了我的脚。我正准备扶她，她却自己爬了起来。她镇定了一下，对我挤了一下眉，说道：“总是有漂亮女人拜倒在你脚下吗？”
英语笑话（一）
Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea?
A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys.
猴子会和跳蚤有什么不同呢？你可能会直接的想到它们俩是一大一小。但除此之外呢，那就是猴子身上可以长跳蚤，而跳蚤身上却不能有猴子。这个答案很有意思吧？
Q: How can you most irritate a farmer?
A: By treading on his corn?
如果你踩了农夫的玉米或是谷物，他肯定会生气的；而如果你踩了农夫脚底的鸡眼，他会更生气。Corn既可以表示“玉米/谷物”，也有“鸡眼”的意思。
Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world?
A: The snail. It carries its house on its back.
因为snail（蜗牛）的后背上总是背着一所房子，所以说蜗牛是世界上最强壮的生物是不足为奇的。你说呢？
Q: What do people do in a clock factory?
A: They make faces all day.
一看到make faces这个短语，你可千万别以为是在钟表厂工作的人整天都做鬼脸呀！因为除了这个意思以外，它还可以从字面上解释为制造钟面。
Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep?
A: Keep him awake.
怎样才能不让梦游者（sleepwalker）梦游（walk in his sleep）呢？最简单的方法就是不让他睡觉。虽然这不是治疗方法，但如果让梦游者醒着呢，他的确就不会去梦游了。
英语笑话（二）
He is really somebody
-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.
-- He is really somebody. What does he do?
-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.
他真是一个大人物
-- 我叔叔下面有1000个人。
-- 他真是一个大人物。干什么的？
-- 墓地守墓人。
英语笑话（三）
Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.
At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."
它们是从美国直接带来的
一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久，到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元。在银行柜台，银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票，看是否有假。
这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦，最后实在忍耐不住说：“相信我，先生，也请你相信这些钞票。这都是真正的美元，它们是从美国直接带来的。”
英语笑话（四）my little dog can't read
Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!
Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!
Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.
我的狗不识字
布朗夫人：哦，
亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了！
史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊！
布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。”
英语笑话（五）Bring me the winner
-- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.
-- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight.
-- Well, bring me the winner then.
给我那个打赢的吧
-- 服务员，
这个龙虾只有一只爪。
-- 对不起，先生，这只肯定打过架了。
-- 哦， 那给我那个打赢的吧。
英语笑话（六）The mean man's party.
The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."
"Why use my elbow and foot?"
"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-hangded, are you?"
吝啬鬼请客
一个出了名的吝啬鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说：“你上到五楼，找中间那个门，然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了之后，再用你的脚把门推开。”
“为什么要用我的肘和脚呢？”
“你的双手得拿礼物啊。天哪，你总不会空着手来吧？”吝啬鬼回答
One hot summer day a fox was walking through an orchard. He stopped before a bunch of grapes. They were ripe and juicy.
"I'm just feeling thirsty," he thought. So he backed up a few paces, got a running start, jumped up, but could not reach the grapes.
He walked back. One, two, three, he jumped up again, but still, he missed the grapes.
The fox tried again and again, but never succeeded. At last he decided to give it up.
He walked away with his nose in the air, and said“I am sure they are sour.”
狐狸和葡萄
●一个炎热的夏日，狐狸走过一个果园，他停在一大串熟透而多汁的葡萄前。
●狐狸想：“我正口渴呢。”于是他后退了几步，向前一冲，跳起来，却无法够到葡萄。
●狐狸后退又试。一次，两次，三次，但是都没有得到葡萄。
●狐狸试了一次又一次，都没有成功。最后，他决定放弃，他昂起头,边走边说：“葡萄还没有成熟，我敢肯定它是酸的。”
请参考：
“To bell the cat” means to do something dangers, something that might end in disaster灾难.
The expression comes from an old story. A family of mice老鼠 could not leave the hole to get food because of its fear of a cat. The mice decided to tie a bell around the cat's neck颈. The bell would ring as the cat moved. So the mice would always know where the cat was. All agreed it was a wonderful plan. That is until one wise old mouse asked, “Who will bell the cat?”
Bell the cat，给猫系上铃铛，这当然是没什么难的，但如果联想一个古老的寓言里，“给猫系上铃铛”还是一件很冒险的事情呢！故事的发生是这样的：一窝老鼠因为怕猫，结果饿的要命。于是它们认为最好的办法是在猫的脖子上系一个铃铛。这样，铃铛一响，它们就知道猫来了。大家都觉得那是个好主意，但是有一只老的、比较聪明的老鼠问，“谁去给猫系上铃铛呢？”。当然“老鼠给猫系铃铛”是奢谈，但如果真的有个老鼠敢为猫系上铃铛，那它也算是“为救众多的老鼠”而“奋不顾身”了，不过最终也是得到死无葬身之地的结果。不知道现在的社会中是不是：It's very diffcult to get a man who will bell the cat. 很难找到危险时刻能够挺身而出的人。
所以bell the cat就表示“为众人承担风险、替别人冒险”的意思。
还有参考的：
“to be somebody's cat's paw.”成为某人的猫爪，被某人利用 It means to be fooled in to doing someone else's dirty work. It comes from an old story about a monkey. He wants some nuts heating on a fire. The monkey tries to steal the nuts. But he burns his fingers. So, he seizes the foot or paw of a cat and he uses that to pull the nuts out of the fire.
“Fat Cat” describes someone who is rich. You often hear it during political campaigns政治竞选. Some fat cats give lots of money to politicians they hoped will be elected将被选举上. American jazz musicians have used the word “cat” to mean a man.
A sharp cat is a man who is dressed in the latest fashionable clothing. The great American horn player Louis Armstrong used the expression this way many years ago. Armstrong said, “I had on a new cowboy hat牛仔帽, a fine black suit, and new shining leather shoes皮鞋. I was a sharp cat.”
1,Two birls
Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.
两只鸟
老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？
学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
老师：请说说看。
学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。
2. The Fish Net
"Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?"
"A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl.
鱼网
"你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗，安？" 老师发问道。
"把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。" 小女孩回答道。
3. The New Teacher
George comes from school on the first of September.
"George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother.
"I didn\'t like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too....."
新老师
9月1日， 乔治放学回到家里。
"乔治，你喜欢你们的新老师吗？" 妈妈问。
"妈妈，我不喜欢，因为她说3加3得6, 可后来又说2加4也得6。"
4. A physics Examination
Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates were thinking it hard.
The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then hear the thunderrolls?
Nick\'s answer: Because our eyes are before ears.
一次物理考试
在一次物理考试时，当同学们都还在苦思冥想时，尼克很快就答好了第一个问题。
这个问题是：为什么在打雷时，我们总是先看到闪电后听到雷声？
尼克的回答是：因为眼睛在前，耳朵在后。
*必须站着马克·吐温有一次到一个小城市演讲，他决定在演讲之前先理理发。
“您喜欢我们这个城市吗？”理发师问他。
“啊！喜欢，这是一个很好的地方。”马克·吐温说。“您来得很巧，”理发师继续
说，“马克·吐温今天晚上要发表演讲，我想您一定是想去听听的喽？”
“是的。”马克·吐温说。
“您弄到票了吗？”
“还没有。”
“这可太遗憾了！”理发师耸了耸肩膀，两手一摊，惋惜地说：“那您只好从头到尾站
着了，因为那里不会有空座位。”“对！”幽默大师说，“和马克·吐温在一起可真糟糕，
他一演讲我就只能永远站着。”
要一篇英语小幽默或小故事小笑话，80词以上。（文中最好是四五年级单词）
你好，我来为你解答：
One hot summer day a fox was walking through an orchard. He stopped before a bunch of grapes. They were ripe and juicy.
"I'm just feeling thirsty," he thought. So he backed up a few paces, got a running start, jumped up, but could not reach the grapes.
He walked back. One, two, three, he jumped up again, but still, he missed the grapes.
The fox tried again and again, but never succeeded. At last he decided to give it up.
He walked away with his nose in the air, and said“I am sure they are sour.”
狐狸和葡萄
●一个炎热的夏日，狐狸走过一个果园，他停在一大串熟透而多汁的葡萄前。
●狐狸想：“我正口渴呢。”于是他后退了几步，向前一冲，跳起来，却无法够到葡萄。
●狐狸后退又试。一次，两次，三次，但是都没有得到葡萄。
●狐狸试了一次又一次，都没有成功。最后，他决定放弃，他昂起头,边走边说：“葡萄还没有成熟，我敢肯定它是酸的。”
I
am
the
Driver
The
bus
was
crowded,
and
as
one
more
man
tried
to
get
on,
the
passengers
wouldn't
let
him
aboard.
"It's
too
crowded,"
they
shouted.
"What
do
you
think
you
are?"
"I'm
the
driver,"
he
said.
我是司机
一辆公共汽车已经相当拥挤，还有一个人想挤进来，乘客不让他上去。
“太挤了，”他们喊道，“你以为你是谁？”
“我是司机。”他回答说。
相关参考：
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