简短的英语笑话或演讲稿跪求英语课前三分钟的演讲稿或者一些小故事、笑话也行初一...

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I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married.My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream!我好幸福啊！我和女朋友处对象已经一年多了，我们就要结婚了呀！我的父母竭尽全力想方设法帮助我们，我的朋友们也鼓励我支持我，要说起我的女朋友啊？！她简直是我梦寐以求众里寻她千百度万里挑一的！ There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when quite near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear.It had to be deliberate.She never did it when she was near anyone else.美中不足，就是总有一件小事儿让我伤透了脑筋，真的是头痛啊，这个小小的麻烦就是我女朋友的妹妹。我未来的小姨子小肥皂年方20。穿戴性感，谨慎迷你裙加上低胸上衣。她总是在离我很近的时候弯下腰，我也因此颇有机会对她的内衣秀大饱眼福。她的所作所为绝对是存心故意。因为有他人在场的时候她从来不那么对我卖弄风情。 One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn’t overcome and didn’t really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.I was in total shock and couldn’t say a word.有一天，小姨子打来电话让我去她家里检查一下婚礼庆典的准备工作。我到的时候她独自在家。她把嘴凑到我的耳边对我说，“你马上就要结婚了，我喜欢你，我克制不了对你的感情，我也不想克制......我有个小小的请求。在你结婚之前，在你将你的一生都托付给我的姐姐之前，我想和你，未来的姐夫做爱，就这一次，好吗？”我呆若木鸡无言以对。She said, “I’m going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me.”I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me.她说：“我到楼上我的卧室等你。要是你愿意，就上来找我吧。”我晕( ⊙ o ⊙ )啊！我就傻愣着站在那里眼睁睁地瞪着她上了楼梯，我惊慌失措全身冰凉。她终于走到楼上，很麻利地自己动手脱下裤子，一把甩给了楼下的我。I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house.I walked straight towards my car.My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, “We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn’t ask for better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.”我站在楼下愣了一会儿，然后转身径直走向前门。我打开门走出了她的家。我径直走向我的车。我未来的岳父大人正站在房外等候多时了。他热泪盈眶紧紧将我拥抱，“我们非常高兴你已经通过了我们对你的一个小小的考验。上哪里也找不到比你更好的乘龙快婿呀！欢迎你加入我们的家庭！”

Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."

好孩子

小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”
“她是个卖糖果的。”

今天我正在看碟，老妈又捧了本书进来，说道：给我讲讲这几句话什么意思 ]
老妈：这个“i don’t know.“是什么意思？
我说：“我不知道”
老妈：送你上大学上了几年，你怎么什么都不知道！！
我说：不是！就是“我不知道”吗！！
老妈：还嘴硬！！！！（一顿爆揍)
老妈：你在给我说说这个。“i know.“是什么意思你该知道吧，给我说说。
我说：是“我知道“
老妈：知道就快说。
我说：就是“我知道“
老妈：找茬呀你？刚才收拾你收拾的轻了是不？
我说：就是我知道呀！
老妈：知道你还不说！！不懂不要装懂(又一顿爆揍)
老妈：你给我小心点，花那么多钱送你上大学，搞的现在什么都不会，会那么一丁点东西还跟老娘摆谱，再问你最后一个，你给我好好解释一下，说不出来我在收拾你，你给我翻译一下“i know but idon’t want to tell you.”是什么意思？
我晕倒，拿起枕头往头上爆砸三十几下，用头撞墙四十多下，双手轮番抽自己嘴巴五十多下，用腿踢桌子角六十多下，血肉模糊之时，我问老妈：这下你满意吧
这不她老人家又来问我了:“儿啊,i`m very annoyance,don`t tuouble me.是什么意思啊~?“
我:“我很烦,别烦我“ ;
老妈:“找打,跟你妈这么说话“(于是被扁)
老妈又问;“i hear nothing,repeat.是what意思啊“
我说:“我没听清,再说一次“
老妈又说了一遍:i hear nothing,repeat“
“我没听清,再说一次“
结果被扁
老妈再问:“what do you say“又怎么解释呢“
我说:“你说什么“(再次被扁)
老妈再问:“look up in the dictionary“是何意啊’
我说:“查字典“
“查字典我还问你做甚“(被扁)
老妈又问:you had better ask somebody.怎么翻呢“
我说:“你最好问别人“
“你是我儿子,我问别人干吗,又找打.“
“啊!god save me!“
“耍你老妈玩,上帝也救不了你!(被扁)
我再问你:“use you head,then thin kit over,又是什么意思啊!“
我说:“动动脑子,再仔细想想.“
“臭小子,还敢耍我“接着又要动手
我连忙说:“是世上只有妈妈好的意思”
“嗯,这还差不多,一会我给你做好吃的,明天再问你”

急求英语课前三分钟的演讲稿！写一点笑话或者学习之类的！

I Cant Let Him Get Away

A male crab（螃蟹） met a female crab and asked her to marry him. She noticed that he was walking straight instead of sideways. Wow, she thought, this crab is really special. I can't let him get away .So they got married immediately.

The next day she noticed her new husband waking sideways like all the other crabs, and got upset. "What happened?" she asked. "You used to walk straight before we were married."

"Oh, honey, " he replied, "I can't drink that much every day.

不能让他跑了

一只雄蟹遇到一只雌蟹，便要娶她为妻。她注意到他走路是直着走，而不是横着走。哇！她想，这只雄蟹可真特别，我可不能让他跑了。因此他们立刻结婚了。

第二天，她又发现她的新郎像其他蟹一样横着走路了。她深感不安。“你怎么了？”她问，“我们结婚前你可是直着走路的。”

“哦，宝贝，”他回答说，“我不可能每天都喝那么多。”

Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea?

A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys.

猴子会和跳蚤有什么不同呢？你可能会直接的想到它们俩是一大一小。但除此之外呢，那就是猴子身上可以长跳蚤，而跳蚤身上却不能有猴子。这个答案很有意思吧？

Q: How can you most irritate a farmer?

A: By treading on his corn?

如果你踩了农夫的玉米或是谷物，他肯定会生气的；而如果你踩了农夫脚底的鸡眼，他会更生气。Corn既可以表示“玉米/谷物”，也有“鸡眼”的意思。

Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world?

A: The snail. It carries its house on its back.

因为snail（蜗牛）的后背上总是背着一所房子，所以说蜗牛是世界上最强壮的生物是不足为奇的。你说呢？

搞笑吧

简短的英语笑话或演讲稿跪求英语课前三分钟的演讲稿或者一些小故事、笑话也行初一...

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搞笑吧

简短的英语笑话或演讲稿 跪求 英语课前三分钟的演讲稿 或者一些小故事、笑话也行 初一...

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简短的英语笑话或演讲稿跪求英语课前三分钟的演讲稿或者一些小故事、笑话也行初一...