求英语笑话小短文越少越好加翻译 求40篇英语小短文 带翻译 能短就短 不要笑话
A young businessman had just started his business, and rented a beautiful office. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear busy, the businessman picked up the phone and pretended that he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments.
Finally, he hung up and asked the visitor. "Can I help you?" The man said, "Sure. I've come to install the phone."
译：一个年轻人刚刚开始做生意，就租了一个漂亮的办公室。一天，他坐在办公室里，看到有一个人在外面，于是他就装作生意很忙的样子，拿起电话胡吹乱侃，还不停的甩出几个大数字，好像在谈一笔大买卖。
到了最后，他终于挂了电话，问来访的人，“有事儿嘛？”那个人回答，“我是来给你安装电话的。”
2.我已经努力好多年了 I've been trying to do that for years
A man went to the police office wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
"You will get your chance in court." said the Desk Sergeant.
"No, no, no." said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years."
一个人来到警察局想和昨天潜入他家偷盗的贼聊聊，警察告诉他说，“你在法庭上会有这个机会的。”
“不，不，不”，这个人说，“我就是想知道他是如何做到潜入我家并且还能不惊醒我的老婆，我已经努力好多年了都没能做到这点。”
3.提早大抢购，Early big shopping
An offender was brought to trial before a judge. The judge asked him, "What is the crime you have committed?"
The offender said, "I went shopping too early during the New Year."
The judge said, "This is not a crime! Is there a mistake, perhaps? So how early did you go shopping?"
He answered, "The shop was not yet open for business, and I was already inside."
有个犯人被带到法官面前审案，法官问他:“你犯了什么罪？”
犯人说：“因为我在新年时，太早去采购了。”
法官说：“这不是罪呀！可能是弄错吧？那你多早去采购呢？”
他说：‘商店还没开门，我就已经进去了。’
4.律师咨询费 The Value of a Good Question
A man called a lawyer and asked, “How much would you charge me to answer three questions?” The lawyer said, “$400 dollars!”
And the man said, “That’s a lot of money, isn’t it?”
The lawyer said, “I guess so. What’s your third question?”
有个人打电话给律师，问道：「你回答三个问题的收费是多少钱？」律师回答说：「四百美元。」
这个人说：「这要不少钱，不是吗？」
律师回答说：「我想是吧！你的第三个问题是什么？」
He is really somebody
-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.
-- He is really somebody. What does he do?
-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.
他真是一个大人物
-- 我叔叔下面有1000个人。
-- 他真是一个大人物。干什么的？
-- 墓地守墓人。
求英语短文，笑话，越多越好，带翻译
叫我怎么说明白?
那天我正在看碟，学英语的老妈捧了本书进来，我们有了这样的对话－－
老妈：“这个‘I don't know.’是什么意思？”
我说：“我不知道。”
老妈：“送你上学上了几年，你怎么什么都不知道！”
我说：“不是！就是‘我不知道’嘛！！”
老妈：“还嘴硬！！！你再给我说说这个，‘I know’是什么意思你该知道吧？”
我说：“我知道。”
老妈：“知道就快说。”
我说：“就是我知道。”
老妈：“找茬呀你？”
我说：“没错啊，我知道！”
老妈：“知道你还不说！不懂不要装懂！你给我小心点，花那么多钱送你上学，搞得现在什么都不会，会那么一丁点儿东西还跟老妈摆谱儿。再问你最后一个，你给我好好解释一下，说不出来我再收拾你。你给我翻译一下‘I know but I don't want to tell you’是什么意思？”
我晕倒，拿起枕头往头上爆砸三十多下，用头撞墙四十多下，双手轮番抽自己嘴巴五十多下，用脚踢桌子角六十多下，我问老妈：“这下你满意了吧？”
人们常说：学习是痛苦的历程，不过我不明白，为什么受伤的总是我。
我妈学英语的热情日益高涨，因而我的苦难就日益加深。每当老妈问我英文的时候，我都会先吃三片阿斯匹林，缠好绷带，再运上龟背神功至第十二重。
这不她老人家又来问我了：“儿啊，‘I'm very annoyed，don't trouble me’是什么意思啊？”
我说：“我很烦，别烦我。”
老妈：“找打，跟你妈这么说话。”
老妈又问：“‘I hear nothing,repeat’是what意思啊？”
我说：“我没听清，再说一次。”
老妈又说了一遍：“I hear nothing,repeat.”
“我没我没听清，再说一次。”（结果被扁）
老妈再问：“‘Look up in the dictionary’是何意啊？”
我说：“查字典。”
“查字典我还问你做甚？”（被扁）
老妈又问：“‘You had better ask others’怎么翻呢？”
我说：“你最好问别人。”
“你是我儿子，我问别人干吗，又找打。”
“啊！God save me！”
“耍你老妈玩，上帝也救不了你！”（被扁）
“我再问你，‘Use your head,then think it over’又是什么意思啊？”
我说：“动动脑子，再仔细想想。”
“臭小子，还敢耍我。”接着又要动手。
我忙说：“是世上只有妈妈好的意思。”
“嗯，这还差不多，一会儿我给你做好吃的，明天再问你。”
我晕倒。
超精明的走私犯
A Smugglar
走私犯
The suspicious-looking man drove up to the border, where he was greeted by a sentry. When the guard looked in the trunk, he was surprised to find six sacks bulging at the seams.
一个形迹可疑的人开车来到边境，哨兵迎了上去。哨兵在检查汽车行李箱时，惊奇地发现了六个接缝处鼓得紧绷绷的大口袋。
"What's in here?" he asked.
“里面装的是什么？”他问道。
"Dirt," the driver replied.
“土。”司机回答。
"Take them out," the guard instructed. "I want to check them."
“把袋子拿出来”，哨兵命令道：“我要检查。”
Obliging, the man removed the bags, and sure enough, each one of them contained nothing but dirt. Reluctantly, the guard let him go.
那人顺从地把口袋搬了出来。确实，口袋里除了土以外，别无他特。哨兵很不情愿地让他通过了。
A week later the man came back, and once again, the sentry looked in the truck.
一周后，那人又来了，哨兵再次检查汽车上的行李箱。
"What's in the bags this time?" he asked.
“这次袋子里装的是什么？”他问道。
"Dirt, more dirt." said the man.
“土，又运了一些土。”那人回答。
Not believing him, the guard checked the sacks and, once again, he found nothing but soil.
哨兵不相信，对那些袋子又进行了检查，结果发现，除了土以外，仍旧一无所获。
The same thing happened every week for six months, and it finally became so frustrating to the guard that he quit and became a bartender.
同样的事情每周重演一次，一共持续了六个月。最后，哨兵被弄得灰心丧气，干脆辞职去当了酒吧侍者。
Then one night, the suspicious-looking fellow happened to stop by for a drink. Hurrying over to him, the former guard said, "Listen, pal, drinks are on the house tonight if you'll do me a favor: Just tell me what the hell you were smuggling all that time."
有天夜里，那个形迹可疑的人碰巧途经酒吧，下车喝酒。那位从前的哨兵急忙迎上前去对他说，“我说，老兄，你要是能帮我一个忙，今晚的酒就归我请客。你能不能告诉我，那段时间你到底在走私什么东西？”
Grinning broadly, the man leaned close to the bartender's ear and whispered, "Cars."
那人俯身过来，凑近侍者的耳朵，裂开嘴笑嘻嘻地说：“汽车。” man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second"
一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"那一百万年呢?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答:"过一秒钟."
Four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies. The nurse comes up to the first man and says, "Congratulations, you got twins." The man said "How strange, I'm the manager of Minnesota Twins." After awhile the nurse comes up to the second man and says, "Congratulations, you got triplets." Man was like "Hmmm, strange I worked as a director for the "3 musketeers." Finally, the nurse comes up to the third man and says
"Congratulations, you got twins x2." Man is happy and says, "Ironic, I work for the hotel "4 Seasons." All three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place, cursing God and banging his head on the wall. They asked him what's wrong and he answered, "What's wrong? I work for 7up"!
四个好朋友在医院里碰面了,他们的妻子正在生产.护士过来对第一个男人说:"恭喜,你得了双胞胎."男人说:"多奇怪呀,我是明尼苏达双子队的经理."过了一会儿,护士过来对第二个男人说:"恭喜,你得了三胞胎."男人很喜欢:"嗯,又巧了.我是3M公司的董事."最后,护士跑来对第三个男人说:"恭喜,你得了2对双胞胎."男人很开心地说:"真令人啼笑皆非,我为四季宾馆工作."他们三个都很高兴,但第四个伙伴急得像热锅上的蚂蚁,咒骂上帝并用头撞墙.他们问他有什么不对劲,他回答道:"什么不对劲?我可是在七喜公司工作呀!"
呵呵,一个比一个效率高.
Osama Bin Laden, a Canadian, and President Bush were walking down the street when they saw a golden lamp. They rubbed it and a genie came out and said, "I will grant each one a wish that’s 3 together." The Canadian said, "I am a father and my son will be a farmer so I want the soil in Canada to be forever fertile." The genie said the magic words and the wish came true. Osama looked amazed so he wished for a wall around Afghanistan the genie said the magic words and again the wish came true. President Bush said "Genie, tell me more about this wall," the genie said,” It’s 50 feet thick and 500 feet tall so nothing can get in and nothing can get out." President Bush said,” Wow! That’s a big bridge...Fill it with water!!!
拉登,一加拿大人还有布什总统走在大街上看到一盏金色的灯.他们擦了擦灯出现了一个精灵.精灵说:"我要满足你们每人一个愿望总共三个."加拿大人说:"我是个父亲我儿子将成为农夫,因此我想让加拿大的土地永远肥沃."精灵说了咒语愿望实现了.拉登看了很惊奇,他希望有座城墙围绕阿富汗.精灵又说了咒语愿望又实现了.布什总统问:"精灵请告诉我关于这座墙的事情."精灵回答:"墙厚50英尺,高500英尺,因而里面的任何东西出不来外面的任何东西进不去."布什总统说:"哇!那是座大桥耶...注满水!!!"
My Baby Swallowed a Bullet
Young Mother: "Doctor, my baby swallowd a bullet. What shall I do ?
Doctor: "Don't point him at anybody."
Notes
1. to swallow a bullet: 吞下一颗子弹
2. to point at: 对...瞄准
个中意味自己体会吧 :)
allybaby
Once two hunters went hunting in the forest. One of them suddenly fell down by accident. He showed the whites of his eyes and seemed to have ceased breathing. The other hunter soon took out his mobile phone to call the emergency center for help. The operator said calmly:"First, you should make sure that he is already dead." Then the operator heard a gunshot from the other end of the phone and next he heard the hunter asking:"What should I do next?"
两个猎人进森林里打猎，其中一个猎人不慎跌倒，两眼翻白，似已停止呼吸。另一个猎人赶紧拿出手机拨通紧急求助电话。接线员沉着地说：“第一步，要先确定你的朋友已经死亡。”于是，接线员在电话里听到一声枪响，然后听到那猎人接着问：“第二步怎办？”
An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?"
"Sure. That's easy," said one man.
"What is it?"
"H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O."
"What, what?" reasked the instructor.
"H to O," explained the chemistry expert.
中文翻译：
生化战争课的老师在课堂上问士兵们：“谁知道水的分子式？”
“当然，太简单了。”一个士兵回答道。
“是什么？”
“H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O.”
“什么，什么？”老师又问道。
“H to O，”化学专家解释道。
只有10篇sorry
My family
I love my family, because I have a happy family. My father is an English teacher. His name is Jacky. He is thirty-eight. He likes playing basketball. What’s my mother job? Is she a teacher? Yes, you’re right! My mother is very kind and nice, she is thirty-seven. My mother is always laborious work. I love my parents! On Saturday and Sunday, I often go to the library and play the piano, My father go to play basketball. Sometimes, we watch TV and listen to music at home. I love my family. Because I’m very happy to live with my parents together!
我的家庭 我爱我的家庭,因为我有一个快乐的家庭. 我的爸爸是一名英语教师,他的名字叫Jacky.他今年38岁.他非常喜欢打篮球.我的妈妈是赶什么呢?她是一名教师吗?是的.你说对了!我的妈妈是一个很亲切、友善的人,她今年37岁.我妈妈总是勤劳的干活.我爱我的父母. 在星期六和星期天里,我经常去图书馆和弹钢琴.我爸爸去打篮球.有时侯,我们都在家看电视和听音乐. 我爱我家.因为我和爸爸妈妈一起生活得很开心!
My Room
This is my room. Near the window there is a desk. I often do my homework at it. You can see some books, some flowers in a vase, a ruler and a pen. On the wall near the desk there is a picture of a cat. There is a clock above the end of my bed. I usually put my shoe under my bed. Of course there is a chair in front of the desk. I sit there and I can see the trees and roads outside.
我的房间
这是我的房间。 在窗口附近有一张书桌。 我经常在那做我的家庭作业。 您能看有些书，有些花在花瓶里，一把格尺和笔。 在墙壁在书桌有猫的图片。 有一个时钟在我的床上的末端。 我通常把我的鞋子放在我的床下。 当然有一把椅子在书桌前面。 我坐那里，并且我能看外面的树和路
Skating
Mom bought me a pair of skating shoes at my fifth birthday. From then on, I developed the hobby of skating. It not only makes me stronger and stronger, but also helps me know many truths of life. I know that it is normal to fall, and if only you can get on your feet again and keep on moving, you are very good!
滑冰
妈妈买了我一双冰鞋鞋子在我的第五个生日。 从那时起，我爱好滑冰。 它不仅使我越来越加强，而且帮助我知道生活许多真谛。 我知道摔倒是正常的，并且，如果只有你能摔倒后再站起来，就是非常好!
The Sea
What do you know about the sea? Some people know about it, but others don’t. The sea looks beautiful on a fine sunny day, the sea is very big. In the world, there is more sea than land. Do you know Hainan Island? It’s really very nice. We can see beaches, trees and the sea. We can swim and visit a lot of beautiful places.
海
你对海知道些什么？ 某些人知道关于它，但其他不。 海看起来美丽在一个美好的晴天，海是非常大的。 在世界上，比土地有更多海。 您是否知道海南岛？ 那非常好。 我们能看海滩、树和海。 我们可以游泳和参观很多美好的地方。
Computers
Computers are changing our life. You can do a lot of things with a computer. Such as, you can use a computer to write articles, watch video CDs, play games and do office work. But the most important use of a computer is to join the Internet.We don’t need to leave home to borrow books from a library or to do shopping in a supermarket.
Computers help us live a more convenient life.
计算机
计算机改变我们的生活。 您能做很多事用计算机。 例如，您能使用计算机写文章，手表录影CDs，戏剧比赛和完成办公室工作。 但对计算机的最重要的用途是加入Internet.我们不需要离开家去从图书馆借用书或在超级市场做购物。
计算机帮助我们居住更加方便的生活。
Smiling
I think smiling is as important as sunshine. Smiling is like sunshine because it can make people happy and have a good day. If you aren’t happy, you can smile, and then you will feel happy. Someone may say, “But I don’t feel happy.” Then I would say, “Please smile as you do when you are happy or play with your friends happily. You will really be happy again.”
Smiling can let you have more friends.So I say, smiling is like a flower. It will give you happiness.
微笑
我认为微笑是一样重要的象阳光。 微笑是象阳光，因为它可能使人愉快和有一个早晨好。 如果您不是愉快的，您能微笑，您然后将感觉愉快。 某人也许说， “但是我不感到愉快”。 然后我会说， “请微笑，您，当您愉快地是愉快或戏剧与您的朋友。 您真正地再将是愉快的”。
微笑可能让您有更多朋友。如此我说，微笑是象花。 它将给您幸福。
Sunday
It was Sunday and I didn't have to go to school. I finished my homework the day before. So I decided to help mother do housework. I washed some clothes after I got up. Then I went shopping with a basket. I bought some meat, eggs and some vegetables in the market. After I came back, I started to cook dinner for the whole family. In the evening, I sat at the table and began to write down on my notebook what I had done during the day.
星期天
它是星期天，并且我没有必须去学校。 我前一天完成了我的家庭作业。 如此我决定帮助做家事。 在我起来了之后，我洗了一些衣裳。 然后我带着篮子去购物。 我在市场上买了一些肉、蛋和有些菜。 在我回来了之后，我开始为全家烹调晚餐。 在晚上，我在我的笔记本写下什么我白天做了什么。
春天：Spring
Spring is a delightful season. The temperatures are moderate, and the blooming trees and flowers make the city bright with colors. This is the time when we can begin to wear lighter and more brightly colored clothes and go outdoors more often. Smaller children like to bring their kites out to the spacious square. Also I enjoy going back to the village on this holiday after being in the city for the winter months.
春天是个让人欣喜的季节.气温适中,挂满绿叶的树和盛开的花朵给城市增添了明亮的色彩.在这个时节里,我们可以穿上轻便靓丽的衣服经常出门去了.小孩子们则喜欢在广阔的天空中放风筝.在城里呆了一个冬天之后,我也喜欢回到村子里度假.
夏天：
Summer is the great season for all sports in the open air. It is the season for football which is often called the national sport because of its popularity. I usually watch television and read the newspaper reports about the football results of the little leagues. During the summer I like to go to the beach often because it is very close to my home. I usually go there during the summer vacation to relax after many months in school in the city. I feel very comfortable with the familiar quiet life of the villagers.
夏天是户外运动最好的季节.这是一个橄榄球的季节,橄榄球由于广受欢迎被称为全民运动.我常常看电视,看报纸,从报道中获得小联盟橄榄球赛的比赛结果.夏日里,我喜欢经常去海滩,因为那里离我家不远.在城里的学校呆了几个月后,暑假我常常去那里放松一下.此处有我很熟悉的村民们的宁静生活,这让我倍感舒适.
秋天：Autumn
For me the autumn or fall starts in September when school starts its new term. I usually do some shopping. The mild weather made it very nice to study outside under the trees in a small park close to my house. I like to look up the leaves changing colors from green to red and yellow, and then brown colors. The park also has many bright fall flowers; sometimes I see a small squirrel coming down from the tree to hunt for food on the ground. On the weekends, I sometimes like to fly my kite. Usually on the street corners you can see street peddlers selling warm baked sweet potatoes. This is a nice time of the year.
我觉得秋天是在9月份新学期开始的时候来临.我常常要去买一些东西.宜人的天气让我感觉在离家不远的小公园的树下学习是件非常惬意的事.我喜欢抬起头看蓍枝头上的树叶由绿变红,变黄,然后再变褐.公园里还有许多鲜艳的秋花.有时我会见到小松鼠从树上跳到地上觅食.在周末,我有时会去放风筝.在街头的拐角处,常常会有街头小贩在卖烤红薯.秋天是一年中的好时节.
冬天：Winter
Winter is very cold and windy in most parts of China. I usually look forward to the Spring Festival and the winter holiday when I can go to the south where the climate is warmer during these holidays. Also, I look forward to seeing my grandparents and my friends. Winter is the time everyone is in a festive mood. In the city, I usually do a lot of reading at home in the winter because of eh cold weather outside.
中国大部分地区的冬天是即冷又有风的。我总是盼望着春节或寒假，到时候我就可以去南方了，当地的气候在这时会暖和的多。我也盼望着去探望我的祖父母和我的朋友。冬天，每个人都怀着喜庆的心情。在城里，冬天的时候我经常待在家里尽情地看书，因为外面的天气非常的冷。
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