英语小笑话，越短越好，3.4句话，带翻译翻译在线翻译

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hey Are Directly from America
Not long after an old Chinese women came back to china from her visit to her daughter in the Sates, she went to a city bank to deposit the U.S. dollars her daughter give her . At the bank counter ,the money was real.It mady out of patience.At last she couid not hold any more, uttering :“trust me, Sir, and trustthe money .They are real U.S. dollars. They.are directly from America. ”
汉译：
真美钞
一位中国老妇人到美国去看望女儿回来不久，到一家银行取存女儿送给她的美元。在银行柜台，银行职员认真仔细的检查了每一张钞票看，是否有假。这种做法使老妇人很不耐烦，最后实在忍不住说：“相信我，先生，也请你相信这些钞票。这都是真正的美元，是从美国直接带来的。”

He Won

Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.
Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?
Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.

他赢了
汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？
约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。
汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？
约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。

I Have His Ear in My Pocket

Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?"
"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.
"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.
"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."

他的耳朵在我衣兜里

伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？”
“一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。
“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。
“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”

A Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."

好孩子

小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”
“她是个卖糖果的。”

Drunk

One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."
"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"

醉酒

一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！”

Hospitality

The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.

好客

由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时，家里没有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿，他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪？” “在捕鼠夹上，先生。”那小男孩说。

英语小笑话
上个星期五我穿了一件 Adidas 的衣服去打球, 一个老美看到就笑我说, "Do you
know what does it mean? It means All Day I Dream About Sex.我整天都在想著
性, 缩写正好是 Adidas) " 我正惊讶他怎么反应这么快, 联想力这么丰富时,旁边的
一个老美帮我解围, 他说, 有一个很著名的合唱团 Korn, 他们的招牌歌之一就是
A.D.I.D.A.S, (All day I dream about sex)所以呢,这个典故可是很多老美都耳熟
能详的喔! 下次就换你去取笑老美了.

A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second"

一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"且话偻蚰昴?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答:"过一秒钟."

1,Two birls

Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?

Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.

Teacher: Please tell us.

Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.

两只鸟

老师：这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？

学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。

老师：请说说看。

学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。

2. The Fish Net

"Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?"

"A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl.

鱼网

"你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗，安？" 老师发问道。

"把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。" 小女孩回答道。

3. The New Teacher

George comes from school on the first of September.

"George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother.

"I didn\'t like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too....."

新老师

9月1日，乔治放学回到家里。

"乔治，你喜欢你们的新老师吗？" 妈妈问。

"妈妈，我不喜欢，因为她说3加3得6, 可后来又说2加4也得6。"

4. A physics Examination

Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates were thinking it hard.

The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then hear the thunderrolls?

Nick\'s answer: Because our eyes are before ears.

一次物理考试

在一次物理考试时，当同学们都还在苦思冥想时，尼克很快就答好了第一个问题。

这个问题是：为什么在打雷时，我们总是先看到闪电后听到雷声？

尼克的回答是：因为眼睛在前，耳朵在后。

Jim’s History Examination
Uncle: How did Jim do in his history examination?
Mother: Oh, not at all well, but there, it wasn't his fault. They asked him
things that happened before the poor boy was born.

吉姆的历史考试

舅舅：吉姆这孩子历史考得怎么样？
母亲：唉，糟透了。可话又说回来，这也不能怪他。嗨，他们尽问一些这个
可怜的孩子出生前的事儿。

我这有几个英语小笑话：

　　校园幽默四则
　　1.
　　Two Birds
　　Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
　　Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
　　Teacher: Please tell us.
　　Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.
　　
　　两只鸟
　　老师：这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？
　　学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
　　老师：请说说看。
　　学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。
　　
　　2.
　　The Fish Net
　　"Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?"
　　"A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl.
　　
　　鱼网
　　"你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗，安？" 老师发问道。
　　"把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。" 小女孩回答道。
　　
　　3.
　　The New Teacher
　　George comes from school on the first of September.
　　"George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother.
　　"I didn't like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said
　　that two and four were six too....."
　　
　　新老师
　　9月1日，乔治放学回到家里。
　　"乔治，你喜欢你们的新老师吗？" 妈妈问。
　　"妈妈，我不喜欢，因为她说3加3得6, 可后来又说2加4也得6。"
　　
　　4.
　　A physics Examination
　　Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates
　　were thinking it hard.The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then
　　hear the thunderrolls? Nick's answer: Because our eyes are before ears.
　　
　　一次物理考试
　　在一次物理考试时，当同学们都还在苦思冥想时，尼克很快就答好了第一个问题。
　　这个问题是：为什么在打雷时，我们总是先看到闪电后听到雷声？
　　尼克的回答是：因为眼睛在前，耳朵在后。

Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day?
Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, "School-Go Slow".
老师：汤姆，您为什么每天上学迟到？
汤姆：我每次路过拐角，一个路标上面写着："学校----慢行。"
Mother: Why are you jumping up and down?
Tom: I've just taken some medicine and I forgot to shake the bottle.
妈妈：你为什么不停地跳上跳下的？
汤姆：我刚吃完药，可我忘了先摇瓶子了
Tom: William has asked me for a loan of five pounds. Should I be doing right in lending it to him?
Jack: Certainly.
Tom: And why?
Jack: Because otherwise he would try to borrow it from me.
汤姆：威廉向我借五英镑。我该不该借给他？
杰克：当然应该了。
汤姆：为什么？
杰克：否则他就该跟我借了。

He Won

Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.
Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?
Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.

他赢了
汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？
约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。
汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？
约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。

1)TOM'S EXCUSE
Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day?
Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, "School-Go
Slow".
汤姆的借口
老师：汤姆，您为什么每天上学迟到？
汤姆：我每次路过拐角，一个路标上面写着："学校----慢行

有什么软件可以把英文翻译成中文

可以通过微信扫一扫功能，把英文翻译成中文，具体的操作步骤如下：
1、在手机微信的主界面中，点击右上角的+号。

2、点击扫一扫，进入到扫一扫页面。

3、在扫一扫页面中，点击右边的翻译，进行拍照。

4、将摄像头对准需要翻译的英文拍照，即可进行扫描翻译。

手机、电邮和语音邮件
难道上述那些不该是帮助我们沟通得更方便的吗？可悲的是，事实并非总是如此。就拿前些天为例，当我和朋友穿过公园，突然他的手机响了，他应了，就不理我，并硬生生地终止我们的谈话！就事实而言，公园满是讲手机的人。他们与其他人擦身而过，连看都不看一眼，或停下来拍拍自己的狗。很显然，人们情愿与在手机上的声音交流多于与人接触。
以下是另一个例子：上周，我与三个朋友在车上。司机要求我们静下来，因为他无法听到他的手机来电在说什么。我们四个朋友开车上路，不能交谈，因为要让其中一人能更轻松地与他人沟通！
为什么我们接触得越多，越觉与人疏离？每一先进通信科技似乎令人与人之间的距离越远。随着在互联网上的电子邮件，我们现在与人交流即可不必见面或交谈。有了语音邮件，你可以与素未谋面的人对话。如果我的妈妈有个问题，我可以在她的语音邮件留下口讯。
当几乎每一种人与人之间的接触都变得自动化，我越来越觉得被隔离。你甚至不能致电他人来获得另一人的电话号码，因为取得一个电话号码，现在几乎都是全自动的。用不了多久，即使去食物店你也可省却与人眼神接触的麻烦；有些店使用的是自扫描仪，让你可以自己埋单。
别误会我的意思，我并不反对机器。我还拥有一台手机、语音邮件系统，和一个电子邮件帐户。放弃它们也不是个好主意，因为它们有用、方便。只是，当它们令我们与人的接触疏离，让我开始感到难过。我发现自己越来越多回复电邮多于与人交谈。该技术本是用来助我们与他人保持联系，但事实上，让我感到更孤单。
那如何是好？好吧！我给自己定下了技术使用限制计划：要是有人在我身边时不发电邮，与朋友共聚时不用手机，当我在家里，不让语音信箱接电话。
我的意思是，所有这些高科技东西好是好，但只限于当没有任何人在房间里听著你说：“你好！”

~~~~~~~~~纯人手翻译，欢迎采纳~~~~~~~~~

原文不全，全文如下：

Cell Phones, E-mail and Voice Mail
Aren't the above supposed to help us communicate with each other more easily? Sadly, that is not always the case. Take the other day for example, when I was walking through the park with my friend, suddenly his cell phone rang and he answered it－ignoring me and cutting our conversation dead! In point of fact, the park was filled with people talking on their cell phones. They were passing other people without even looking at them, or stopping to stroke their dogs. It was clear that the voice on the cell phone was preferable to human contact.
Here is another example: last week, I was in a car with three friends. The driver told us to be quiet because he could not hear the caller on his cell phone. There we were, four friends driving down the road, but not being allowed to talk to one another because of something that is supposed to make communication easier!
Why is it that the more connected we get, the more disconnected I feel? Every advance in communications technology seems to keep people from human contact. With e-mail over the Internet, we can now communicate without seeing or talking to one another. With voice mail, you can have conversations without ever meeting that person. If my mum has a question, I can just leave a message on her answer phone.
As almost every kind of contact between human beings becomes automated, my feeling of being disconnected gets stronger. You can't even call someone to get the phone number of another person, because getting a phone number now is almost always fully automated. Pretty soon, you won't have to take the trouble of making eye contact at the food store; some stores are using a self-scanner so that you can check yourself out.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not against machines. I also own a cell phone, a voice mail system, and an e-mail account. Giving them up isn't a good idea, as they are useful to have around. It's just that when they keep us away from human contact, I begin to feel sad. More and more, I find myself answering e-mails instead of talking to people. The technology that was made to help keep us in contact with each other is, in fact, making me lonelier.
What is to be done? Well, I’ve made myself a technology restriction plan: no e-mailing people who live near me, no cell-phoning when I’m with friends, and no letting the voice mail pick up when I’m at home.
I mean, what good are all these hi-tech things if there’s no one in the room to hear you say “Hi there!”?

搞笑吧

英语小笑话，越短越好，3.4句话，带翻译翻译在线翻译

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搞笑吧

英语小笑话，越短越好，3.4句话，带翻译 翻译在线翻译

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英语小笑话，越短越好，3.4句话，带翻译翻译在线翻译